its back

its back.
this feeling of ecstasy .

the feeling of waiting and hoping.(its not abt studies)
the feeling of wanting that particular attention is back again.

doing and trying my best to not be obvious.
trying to supress the feeling of a sudden burst of happiness when it comes.

trying to make it look all normal and tht nothing big is happening.
trying to do my best to ignore so as to make it look as if i don't really care.

however humans are such complex creatures.
we want it so much but sometimes we can do nothing to make it happen.
sometimes it is not allowed.

Trying whatever i have to just make other person discover what i have to hide.
sometimes hints ppl give are no longer obvious.

because it may just be your own hopeful thinking and those actions may just jolly well mean nth .
an ppl tend to act clever by trying to read btw those lines when there is nth to read and start imaging things that are not meant to be.

i miss ming en alrdy.
i miss tofu head
i miss atap seed too.

somethings are just meant to be left untouch.
but somehow i just always do the opposite and keep waiting for things to go my way.
JNZL

silent promise

i promise..

as a girl makes a promise .
a promise with a tone of grief .

this girl said sorry to herself.
sorry for being so lousy.
sorry for all the mistakes she made in life.
sorry for all the stubborn decision she made.

sorry to wallow in self pity.
a slient promise as she cries not knowing if this promise will ever last.

as she types, her head says sorry .
sorry for repeating the same mistakes over and over.

but the girl wonders if sorry was ever enough.

JNZL

heaven on earth

Salar de Uyuni is in bolivia and it is the largest salt flat and is a visual miracle and a huge mirror.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el6f9akSRHQ&feature=player_embedded

introducing my new fav korean guy except ss501 which i swear i will remain loyal.
hwan hee..


JNZL

giggles

hahaha

that always happens when my mouth is dam open and emits loud sounds which probably embrasses alot of ppl who are with me and said i shld laugh softer.

i dun usually laugh softly cause when i am happy, i will laugh dam loud .

a form of expressing how happy am i.

however, recently i actually giggled!

well, i giggle at hm most of the time cause i dun wan my mom to hear and start askin me qns.

but recently i giggled cause someone laughed at my jokes!

isn't it funny? i giggled so hard i laugh w/o sound.

tht kind of feeling was somehow undescrible.

i felt so satisfying and craving for more.

giggling is a form of laughter whereby i dun really want someone to know that i am so happy.

weird i know but girls are always unpredictable.

i am starting to love giggling.

but in a semi-emotional tone.

its sad that i can't let the person know i am happy due to complications.

isn't it sad that when u are happy and u can only keep to urself.

well loner sums it all up.

             JNZL

faith

faith..
it is so difficult to believe when one path has always been dark , gloomy and tht even a light bulb couldn't light up the path.

believing in things that just won't come true is just like believing in non-existent miracles which does not happen on ordinary pathetic people.

having faith in everything is just so wrong to me.
but what strives me on to continue this path , through glass shards everywhere and hot coals?

there is no rest point.and ur feet are bare and crows just seem to like you by making the dark night even darker.

tell me a story where red riding hood was eaten by the wolf, where sleeping beauty never had tht magical kiss and the Cinderella nv got out of the room to try the glass slipper and that tweety bird was finally eaten by Sylvester.

where stories had a happily never after endings.

voices in my head kept telling me to strive on .prove ppl tht i can be as shiny as any movie star and as talented as any prodigies.

however a stronger voice overpower voice A and told me he was called reality
some things are really just unreachable.

that hope was never there in the first place and illusions are starting to fade one by one.
heart breaking moments and there are also times where i am confused by my actions.

i don't know why i do the things i do and i still do it even though i knew i shld have stopped my temptation.

so let someone tell me that he still believes in me, tht no matter how late i am ,i am still on time.
and tht nothing is ever too late.

let someone filled with hidden wisdom talk to me.

dear upper being:

could u send / reveal tht person to me?

please?

JNZL

Looked down

You know, I have reflected and realise those ppl who are close to me are one by one looking down on me and I am totally fine if they don't tell me.

However thts not what happen. Actually only one told me and the rest, well I just sensed . Anw I read so many bloggers blogging abt how great they spent their break but I spent mine well too just tht one whole day was spent snoring at hm.

You know how awful I feel when ppl call me weak in the face and tht I am not strong anymore. How awful to feel when ppl just think tht u r probably goin to earn some fucking low paying jobs and all these are said to me in the face and the person still thinks it's ok to say it.

Being frank was not nice. The ugly truth I guess.

It's not tht I want ppl hopes to get high but hearing ppl telling you all these frm someone whom you love feels hurting.

And you know,
When crying doesn't even make anyone pity u, it's really a dam sad case.

Ppl are just numb to it and start spitting sarcastic remarks and thinking it's encouraging.

I mean like no matter how many fucking times I cry the pain is the same.

SINCE WHEN THERE WAs a theroy tht Says tht the amount of times a girl cries is directly inproportional to how sad she feels.

Being numb isn't an excuse.
I feel to stupid.
Anw I help a cat today from 11 floor to 1 floor and I let the cat take lift.

If anyone knows. I really dislike cats but however after I brought her down and spent like 2 hrs trying to feed her an apple but no cats can appreciate my effort. Dam it

So I even carried her to some place warm to sleep like the mats used for prayers and blablabla.

Ok Anyway, I cannot take insults and ppl love me lesser plus ppl hate me more and once again I suck.

I will try to change but I need some bleach to do the job since someone said a leopard nv changes it spots .

So I thought bleach may help.

lost and sad and frustrated

I am feeling so ducked up and useless plus I really dun understand why my dad refuse to let me go japan on dec. So what if he can let me go japan in April . But who the fuck can I go with!

It's not abt japan tht makes me pissed. It is abt th friends tht u go with! All those fun and laughter! This is so irritating. He would not even lend me the dam money . Then wad is the point of having well to do dad? I think ppl who are not so rich would be nicer.

I am so dam sad cause I can't believe myself tht I didn't study chem and I hav yet to finish econs.

I wan to cry but I feel so bottled up.
I dunno what to do. Plus my maths and physics not touchedbyet and the following day is my maths paper. Like WTF?!

I am so sad right now. Really. Frustrated lost and all. Just let me quit sch. If tht is even possible.:(


JNZL

marie digby

i am so sorry if u really hate hate hate hate me for uploading or what u all call, spam

BUT it is N-O-T spamming
i am introducing a new good plus gorgeous singer! all these are my favs.
no other feelings included if u know what i mean.

please enjoy her songs and stop drooling over how omg angel-look -alike woman she is.=)

JNZL

freak it

 argh!!
apple finally came out a product tht has FM RADIO!!
crap! ok anw, this nano now have a camera for video recording . cool or what? at a price of 220. plus it has voice memos tht can record class lec blabla .

luckily i dun hav a nano.
and if itouch have camera i would be like crap!

ok, these two days, studying is super inefficient.
ok anw tomorrow i really must go study at national lib plus!!

i watched gamer!
quite good but storyline like not there. only two more days to exam.

i am not in quite a big shock because i have n ot study phys and maths yet. have not even touched it and tues is maths.

what to do man, so like one day for maths? ok make it two cause if i dun memorize inorganic and organic i am so dead. wtf , i didn't even know i was this close to exam!

pls hurry up joey. u are like so dam fucking dead. wait u knew it right? haha

JNZL

my new lomo cams

JNZL

MY LOMO CAMS!!!

YEAH!!

Well, this is my first time trying out lomo cams

haha this flower camera i bought was because its dam cute and also i was curious what it feels like to have a squishy cover.i didn't buy the pinkish pink cause i wanted something cool.

well, i am using slide film on it and going to cross-process it once its done.

i am rather scared of the 3lens camera cause i scared the film speed not fast enough.

anw, what's done is done.

haha looking forward to take loads of pics with this!

haha, so next time when there is a jumping scene or just simply faces with different emotions, my cam can do the trick!!

and also, i think i will slowy try out all the cams starting with the cheaper ones.

so next up it will be....eximus white edition which cost $50 its dam nice plus the pics it takes it wow!.
However, vivitar which initially cost ard $5 and this is clones of it.

bloody hell! inflation until CMI please.so this supposedly piece of chepo plastic now becomes the new trend and the price like the oil prices, BOOM!

ok, anw, i have done so much research tht plently of my friend think tht it will kill my a levels.

but i really like to do research on FILM cameras~

those SLR, blablabla

how could i resist it.

and if u have been wondering why am i sooo dam obessed with it, is because i really want to get out of the DIGI era and i dunnoe why am i always against the flow . but i can assure u, ppl like me preserve history which is worth preserving.

anw, when i have the photos then i will upload it here i guess!

see ya!