scared of looking old

due to jeff quack which told me that he sincerely thinks that i am a 25 yr old person when i haven even reach god dam 20 yet.

i started to feel that i am looking that old too.
he was complaining that my face lacks luster, radiance and i do not look youthful nor pretty and how the hell am i gonna find someone to marry later.
then he said cannot be like him.

then me to drink bird nest when i am allergic to it.
so i was really getting paranoid and his words crept up to me slowly and stays on like a disease. I kept looking at myself in a mirror and really realized that i look so god dam old.

reason: last mth, i was practically frantically trying my utmost best to complete my assignments and doing well for tests. so i barely slept. worse, i slept during the day. holy wth right.

and he hav to add on by saying tht for females our menses actually mix with our good genes and what? flow away with it too? ALTHOUGH I SOUNDS NONSENSE to me , but wad ever la he's just trying to say that i look old and if i dun start to help myself i will look like a haggard when i reach 25.

soo, making excuses tht CNY is coming too, i stocked up on my intensive care for face such as GEL mask and gel patch for the eyes.

raving about gel stuffs cause its a one way thing. ur face's moisture wont sort of get sucked back to the paper mask.

i really didnt bother putting any thing on my face except for make up. and washing of face.
come to think of it, no wonder i lost my radiance.

so i put toner, followed by essence, then stick on my eye mask, then do my face mask, then sleep pack.
I DUN BELIEVE IF I DO THIS EVERYDAY MY FACE WONT GLOW.

if it takes a double mask to do the job i will do it. since i have so many masks at hm. cheapo ones la. not what olay where it cost $4 for one mask. mine like those ALOT ones are like a $1 each or a little more. so everyday use also ok de.

i scared overload then got pimples. NO!
anyway shopping for clothes, shoes and stuffs so fun!

WANT TO DyE MY HAIR INTO DARK CHOCOLATE COLOUR. i have been raving about it!
JNZL

there's a knot in my heart

after J told me her blog and looking at bestie changing her blog too. i have been wanting to change to wordpress like since J1. BUT the reasons i had for not changing was far tooo many.

it ranges from no time, too complex, people cant tag, cant find nice skins.
well, THE REAL reason for me , now that i realize is that there is a person out there who i really despise told me not to change my blog.
well it was mentioned in one of the many kns posts but nevertheless mentioned. so u mustbe wondering. if i despise the person so god dam much shld'nt i just create a new one and move on?
as in tht's what's life about anw right? moving on.

but i just cant. i have this hug knot in my heart that i want the person to still know my blog.you see, its all the small stupid details which you think ppl might easily forget but definitely not for me.
i am always easily sad, hurt and feeling disappointed with all the small details. Hey my friend told me that i fret too much or stress too much over small things.

WHICH IS BAD. but tht's who i am you see.
so there is this struggle in my heart. to let it go forever or to just keep it at this stage.
i know the latter is the wrong choice but i am stuck. may the holy ppl from above shine some god dam light on this situation.

you know curiosity always gets the better out of me.
i could search for hours just to find the new blog website and keep it a secret in case people would start scolding me for being plain STUPID. till now, i told no one and i intend to keep it this way too.

BUT the knot...
for soooo god-dam -long now, i still cant manage to untie it....
what does it mean? is it meant to be?
argh!


JNZL

after i get my diray

there are a couple of things that i will do after i get my diary and stuffs on the 21st or 22nd.
kns slow shipping.

i will: put down my new year resolution
diligently write down my schedule everyday
make sure i refer to it everyday
make good use of it by pasting photos or stickers or write motivational or just plain lame quotes in it.
make my life more organized and more efficient by not wasting precious hours
making my life more memorable by noting things that makes my life special.
bring my polaroid most of the time to take pictures.
set goals and targets for myself
set achievements for my exam results.
stop blaming others and try to solve things myself
be less clingy
start slotting in exercise time
start to save money by waking up on time so that i dun need to spend $20 a day for transport.
slot in interesting things from chic calendar to make my life more happening. ( if possible get my hands on one)

thts all!
i love you!
JNZL

if only i was a bombshell

i know few will read it so here is go once again

have you ever felt betrayed or felt so huh!?
thts what i felt a few mins back.

when i click on this guy in my class which i think we are not to a stage where we are labeled enemies.
you know i just dont approve the way he treats his gf and i kept mum anyway so there was this sudden tension that came on. i dunno how i dunno why but it affected my relationships with ppl close to him and me too.

again i dunno why and when or how the hell it started.
ok so i lived with it all these while despite all the awakardness.
but bla whatever i am old enough to handle these crappy situations.
as in all i want is normal harmony. where ppl is just cool with each other and have fun u know.

BUT NO... THIS BLARDY WORLD JUST WANTS TO SEE SOMEONE DIE.

ok enough, back to the topic.
so i clicked this guy fb today out of curiosity. like how u would randomly click on someone's fb .
so i did and guess what bitches.

it said PRIVATE. like what the fuck la. confirm is he delete me as a friend thts why become private what.

I WAS LIKE HUH!? WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT!?
like seriously.

so now what. not even normal friends la. wa piang eh. this is totally awesome imba shitty news.
i soo cannot swallow it down.
as in WHY.... WHY... WHY.. I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHY.

it takes double clicks to delete me and still need to search for my name in friends list to delete know.
why wtf right.

SO I CAME TO A BIMBOTIC CONCLUSION.
if i was a drop dead bombshell, i could have easily asked him

like..

" hey! i have uploaded some pics of the class during an outing last time, but i cant seem to tag you? WHY IS THAT SO?!"

KNN... confirm he pai sei then say fb got some technical errors and quickly add me back.
-_____-lll

sorry my imaginations are uncontrollable when i am angry.
alright so ming en .. i am going to run run run run and when i feel tired i will think of all these IB (immature bastards) and run run run run run...

i really want to get back at them sooo freaking bad...
i want them to swallow back their words sooo bad.

KA NA SAI. how can u treat me like that.

i am gonna run run run eat less, study more and be a bombshell.
(hope this anger in me last)

omg.. still light years away frm a bombshell.

fat nose fat face. 

i must not be half hearted

JNZL

everytime

its in my blood.
its in my DNA.

Maybe GOD ACTUALLY wanted me to be fat so as to prevent me from committing moral values crimes.
come to think of it, not being fat makes me feel so free to do whatever i want and without caring about consequences.

oh my.. tht really doesnt sound good.
although i am trying real hard to see reality as what it is and not trying to read those vague lines once again.
because i know if i weren't fat, those blur lines may have been oh too obvious by now.

i live to be happy but sometimes, things that makes me happy disturbs others.


JNZL