Destiny's Child - Emotion

words of a broken heart.

its just emotions taking me over.

caught up in sorrow, lost in a song.

nobody in this world.
JNZL

realize.

exams soon to be over, sch would start a week after.
going to start accomplishing my list and i just realise i am always stuck in the same old position. ok maybe i moved forward a little but i am always wish deep deep deep REALLY DEEP down that some of my happy moments are linked to you.

heart quivers and because i am having large hormonal imbalance due to menses. even though i really ate lots of evening primrose oil capsules to prevent this. but it seems it doesnt work.

the unbelieveable thing is that because i started to hear the song "realize" and i just touched a raw nerve plus some other factors which leads to me just bursting out in true blue emotions. like as if really needed to hit on center towards my left side of the chest to have me breathing again.

Its not that i am stuck in the past, or just u know cling. YOU JUST dont understand this mashed up feeling. feels like this cruel destiny or fate of mine. something along that line.

its like why didnt i .... or i should have.... or i really didnt know.

now tht i know , i really pushed the limit so much so that its really a no brainer why it all went the way it went. this is the time when i really REALLY i dunno.. cant say its a regret since i didnt know better or i didnt mature yet.

why must happen the way it is? and why do i keep having malay guy friends surrounding me. IT PISSES ME OFF and I WANT TO POINT A MIDDLE FINGER ALRDY. like WHERE ARE THE CHINESE MALES. not racist just IRRITATED.  MALAY PEOPLE, PLEASE DONT COME MAKE FRIENDS WITH ME ANYMORE. out of X only 1 made the mark.

its just in your blood to be "RELAC RELAC" (MALAY SLANG) irritates me too.
so u all can go DO THAT and i will really dont give a shit because... AI YA, whats wrong with liking hardworking ppl huh or even being one?

so many reasons ppl give me.
M just says he's like that, dont find a reason why he had to strive harder. * he is 30yrs old hor*
the other wld probably just say not everybody is the same. -__-
N would be because he tried but just don't like it, why must work so hard lei why cannot just chill la.

and many more ppl with the same reasons. which is dont find a need to. see.  TOLD YOU ITS JUST THEM.

just like china people, MOST of them would be uncalled for, just saying.
JNZL

reaching limit

haha funny times with my tutee who studied overnight with me!

tic toc tic toc tic and more tocs.

panic mode of me .

i always have this fucking bad habit. when i am too stressed out my body, or rather metally i would RESIST TO STUDY.

totally absurb right? i was sleeping sleeping and just doing things not related to study. a scenario wld be i canceled my tuition but still not studying, woke up at 9am but nv studied. its not procrastination. i was simply, rebeling. till the extent that i know i am asking for it.

oh exams really screw me up!

its 745pm now and i am going to shower and wash MY hair. YUCKS.

i am going to study alone but if luck is on my side, christabel may just join me for the long winding night at the airport at t1 starbucks. hoky cow its sunday! i hope those sch kiddos are not there anymore since tmr is a sch day!

=)))))))

i can do this .i got this shit so i must calm the freak down.

JNZL

Things after 31st October

Things I will do :
1:sign up for muay Thai or the other course

2: buy more sports bra (oops explicit)

3: cut my fringe . (got the photos Liao)

4: keep running more

5: stock up on fruits

6: buy pumps or wedges ( omg money depleted alrdy)

7: but new hamsters and freak my mom out ;)

8: constantly put masks.

9: find new tuition assignments

10: save up money for my ray ban spectacles. :( dun think will hav money alrdy

twinkle twinkle trickle tears

when i just felt all choked , i just cldnt stop the sobering and i had to do it silently.

just like those stars, twinkles twinkles.

this time i just had no one to share it with. i was like stuck with no options i guess. dont want to be insulted that i am weak currently and didnt think ppl know how it feels.

it was a stress reliver which is necessary unless i cld scream but silent screams are always the loudest . 

envy not. make the most i have and preserve the ones i lost.

fate decides what i'll face, but i decide how it will go.

since i am struggling all my conflicts internally, i am just glad someone helped me along .

maybe he heard my silent tears when i was choked with them. when i cldn't produce any sound w/o sounding like i am havin an asthma attack. when all i cld say was just these few words, he understood well.

i always trust my intuition, its like  gift to me. its always right, until i pause and analysis and make the decision then it will turn out wrong.

believe that all negative hurdles are there for me to overcome which i will anyway.

like as if i had a choice. because i would always remember the teachings. 

"You will never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have"

JNZL

sincere abt losing weight

i checked out this webbie.
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/following-a-cardio-plan-for-weight-loss.html

lol whatever , i know its dummies.com but, i got my info i needed. i am so not the person to go aerobic dance. -___- i dunno la but for me dance this kind of thing not my cup of tea.
so i went to see it says

Boxing

165

330

495

660

so technically 1 hr burn 660 kcal.
so why not, i got sign up for boxing classes. 

ok fine i know i am already very super violent as of now. but, need to lose weight ma, i also cannot afford to go to swim cause i can't swim 35yards/min. pls, i 1 min have not even reach the opposite side. -__-

so not a good idea. cycle at 18mph for 1hr. u want me to die is it. later i cant walk to sch then how.
and i got no car so cant climb bukit timah hill very often. left with kayaking. -__- i got no cert because i bang the instructor. so screw tht too because i dun want to look like indian.

in-line skating. i tried my best. i cannot go fast enough w/o banging into ppl. basketball? lol u get my point la.

so i research on boxing for females and muay thai popped out. although it truly reminded me of tht particular someone but a wise man once said, leave the past behind and look forward.

so .. i saw this!
http://www.bxgfitness.com/contact.html

under courses got this lei.
Student For the younger generation
For those aged between 13-20 years of age who follow the same curriculum as the group programs above but at a time-slot specially dedicated to teenagers.
Fees: $200.00* | 10 sessions x 90 minutes


although i know I JUST REACHED 20 THIS YR ON DEC. but technically i am still 19 wad.
STRESS.


so i thought of signing up for it after my exams! since its only at paya lebar mrt, why not right.


$200 for ten sessions lei. 1 4 tuitions can settle alrdy.
so it is worthwhile la because i am committed to go ma right..


=) will get back to this topic again once my timetable for next sem comes out and once my next sem starts. =)


although its no contact la, but still can punch ma. =)
JNZL

When the going get tough, the tough gets going

Today I ran 5.31km within an hr. I know it isn't anything to boast but it is a stepping stone for me. To be able to run tht distance just by myself and to run one hr. Tht is really my first. Well public Nike all those 5, 10km runs don't count cause got so many ppl running beside u, u will eventually run with them. Today I used mind over
Body power. I am so proud of myself and I deserve a pat on my back. I also filled up my water container and placed it in the fridge so that I cld drink it when I am thirsty. Michelle Phan said tht cold water can make u burn more fat because the body needs to use more energy to cool it down. But I also must drink in caution because my Asthma is currently back and cold drinks may trigger it.

I believe if i really work hard enough, i may really find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. :)

Oh today I went to SMIGGLE at dobhy ghaut there and bought $70++ worth of items. Of course $35 worth of gifts to melaine Ronald as her bday present on 10oct. And to shan shan for children's day gift. Plus still must buy Berwin, Lena and dad gifts. Sian must quickly earn more $$$. But this exp shopping haul is due to me not shopping for 4mths or more.

Oh I am joining NIKE sg 10KM run on 09.10.11 another reason for me to run. Calvin, Azam , Joanna are going! I saw wei Jie frm my JC class there too! But he said he wasn't going. Haha! Saw his Gf? Too? Lol!