Friday, February 24, 2012

swoosh

time passes... but i don't really care.
knock knock, next week wld be start of my new sch terms. which spells happiness and stress.

suddenly i just feel that i miss your presence.
like you have been away from my life for way too long.

its good tht u are earning, but its seems forever.
i just don't want to care about what's happening outside of my social life.
tht includes my family, which i think looks distressing. but. ai ya. i interfere also no use right?

it feels so different.
always on my mind. i think i really can't love the way i used to. its like all half-half.
its like a void that can't be filled. serious.
not that i didn't accept all the alternatives. haha, i am just like you now. what a twist of fate.

now i can understand what you went thru. love is definitely over abused. i guess that was my first and final? guess its sealed for the better.
JNZL

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

confrontation

when confronted, i told a lie. i lied about everything. the truth is i can't tell you the truth and see you die.
you asked me qns and telling me that it was all a test. i grew up to think that money is god and if i want to earn that, i need to study hard.

and you are here telling me that i singaporeans have no life and study too hard and work too hard that we dont enjoy life enough?

of course you all know my counter rebuttal to it. but the thing is, i have not learnt to enjoy life with not being rich. literally like, who the hell still offers to "support" the girl?

like i am seriously stunned and chua tio when you insist of supporting me? then i will lose my independence and wth? i feel very uncomfortable about it!

unless of course, if i want a car and some branded stuff and you could buy it for me so easily? like i don't know how to put forward the point that, it is not that you are not able to support me but i feel fucking weird to ask people for money. NO?!

LIKE i don't super super care how much the person earns, he may earn up till $15,000 or $5000 a mth or even have so much money in his bank. but, asking for money is like beggar? or like some faggot dunno how to earn own money.

like are you able to provide me for my own salary? like literally, 3-5k? a mth? LOL. of course all these just swirlled in my head and all did, was shake my head in disappointment and let out a sigh. because i learnt not to be too hot headed and in the end, i kept thoughts in my own head because i didn't bothered to say it because i didn't think the person would understand.

and, asking me to live in california after my studies? like.......... woah, you think this is some adventure camp?

probably foreigners really hate Singapore style of life. VERY HECTIC AND NO LIFE. but this is where we are born. we are sooo used to it. that maybe a better life overseas feels weird?

JNZL

Thursday, February 9, 2012

be a courageous fool?

we always said fools are always the happiest people on earth because they do not know the reality of life. the harsh but frank reality.

i think, fools may be happy but they are unable to understand and appreciate what life has to offer. fools who choose to blind and deaf themselves can't grow and can't understand the broad wisdom the universe has to offer.

often people like to illusion themselves to prevent them from hurting. but w/o knowing we can't move forward and we won't really know if we are experiencing true happiness.

it is not right and although it is not true that i rather be upset then happy, but if i am happy just by believing the lies i spun , then where is the true happiness which people always said can be felt from the heart.

when i look forward, i can see so many things i am unsure of.
people ard me tell me to be skeptical about many things, because it may be all but a false thing.

i already knew i have to love the person in whole and not to change the person. but by being skeptical about so many things, how can i enjoy the moment.

but if i don't expect, then how can i plan for my future, how can people not expect anything. everything is expectations.

i got to admit my life would be easier if i could let myself appreciate the moment.
like really. JUST LIVE LIFE LIKE AS IF TOMORROW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.
ITS A JOKE. but wldn't it be great?

if i were to die tmr, wld i care abt the future? no? so what shld i do? live for the future? or just be a courageous soul and live for the moment.

w/o courage, you can't go far in life. w/o planning you cant too.
such irony.


JNZL