mum birthday

today was my mom's birthday.
i din't wish her anything, nor did i give anything.i am a bitch. yes i know.
i made one happy. the oher sad.

(why do ppl want to highlight the words when they know they are hidden for a reason.)

YES YOU. STOP HIGHLITING ALRDY.
jnzl

smile 4 one more time

您的精神年齡26歲(mentalityis 26yrs old)
與您實際年齡差9歲(9 yrs of difference in my real age)
幼稚度68％(lvl of childishness)
成熟度54％(lvl of maturity)
老化度28％(growing old)

THOSE WHO WISHES TO TAKE THIS LAME TEST

click here

i just did alot of things .

made someone really happy. sent like 50 dollars. did it in 2 hrs time.feels satisfied.

now need to rish my #$#$^%#^ wr.

jnzl

freed !

i have been freed from all the restricting thorns and now i am a little happy.
hearing all the mugging will start makes me happy.
cause it is studies. not emotional things.

promos ..
do u know something? i have to believe that everything is like fated!
secrects being discovered, facing the music which i have always avoided and feared. destiny wants me to hav the courage to face up all these mess.

i been there, did it.relieved tht everything is goin to be much more smooth sailin. with such an adorable and mysterious friend tht i respect so much like JIE SHENG. it's gonna be alright.

colour me now

DEAR FELLOW DUMB ASS-IANS

I WOULD FIRSTLy thank MING EN and cas and VIC and js for worrying about me all these while.

when i read vic's and m.e's post. i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOO SOOOO DAM touch by everyone of your words.

don't worry. all of you ni men you zi ge to comment on my life.

thanks ming en for giving me solutions and reminding me once more not to be dumb.

thanks vic for supporting me always.

all of you as a good friend gave me a big slap to wake me up to the real world. thanks for tht.

sorry vic i didn't tell you all these. i knew u knew, tht's why i didn't further elaboarate. i jst didn't know m.e knew tht's why didn't want anyone to spend loads of time consoling me.

i thought u all would find me a nuisence.

but i didn't know was tht deep down all of u cared! thanks for letting me know.

cause if u didn't tell i won't know.

please use your life crayons to start colouring my black-and-white world of mine.

i used up all my crayons colouring ppl's life. colour me alright?

love you!

jnzl

milk

ppl still do bother to read tht damn long post.
ppl still care

BOTH OF US ARE SERIOUSLY TIRED!!!!!
ME AND YOU.(it's time to take a break)

let me lead you.i promise myself this will all stop as it affects my life too much!!! far far far too much!!! reading all ur sacrifices made me guilty.

everyone must now believe tht this FREAKING WORLD WE LIVE IN IS NEVER!!! NEVER!!! FAIR.(both of us probably came into terms with it)

aim: studies number 1!!!!there are so many things which i regreted saying. there are so many things you wish you had said. this is the best example of a fucked-up life.

well , to make it better just throw aside all these. but keep believing in what ever you do.thanks for tagging. u just need guidance. u know u have friends who are gd enough to guide you.

after reading all those posts u posted. u have guided me.funny eh how things actually work?
i just feel so fucked up with all these. its like a snowball rolling into a bigger snowball.

I SHALL BE THE AVALANCHE AND PUT A STOP TO ALL THESE THINGS THT SIMPLY WASTE OUR TIME.lets us focus on our priority. STUDIES AND GETTING INTO A DAM UNI.

last note to u. dun worry, tht person will nv forget you . never. how could he?

to all my sweet friends.
I LOVE YOU!!!!

JNZL

F.I.R ni hen ai ta.

the scars lft unhealed and raw.

figure 1.2

fig 1.1

My dear ex-best friend.
looking now at your life and my life , looking back at OUR past. everything seems like it was linked and fated in one way or another.
you could have had him. i could have lost him. i could have lost both of you.

but reality stands tht the fact.tht i lost you but gained him.
dear (w), life is cruel as it seems, it was never fair for me in the past nor is it fair right now.
the reason i heard from s and zy why we broke up is because i didn't tell u anything abt myself.
now dear (w) , do you know that all these while i have been trying to tell u abt myself when we were together. but the response i got was a little cold and by you looking left and right made me feel so insecure , made me feel so unwanted.

as our misunderstanding in each other nv resolve as we didn't talk it out. slience pierced through both of us. the cold war started and everything ended just like a tragic ending you would see in dramas. but dear lovely friend. the drama happened to us as time everything passes us too fast tht we can't catch hold of a moment to breathe and understand each other.

i cried till my eyes were swollen when you left. it lingers as a wound in my heart and this barrier i hav set with all my friends, not allowing them near me as i am afraid i would get hurt. tht is why i am lonely. i am not as brave as u think i maybe. all those times in mjc i have suffered with my classmates and the reasons is because i eat in class and sleep. tht's why they hate me, or rather so.

why don't you be in my place. my family is broken, childhood scars are all over me. tht's why i may seem mature, partly due to the numerous misery i had in my life.

if i could write a story of my life, people would cry halfway. people would think i am so CMI. ppl would think tht life is too unfair for me. but do i ask for it?

being given birth to this world, firstly ppl smile. then they frown , they torture me inside out leaving me in the open with scars inflicted in every inch of my mind and heart.and you my dear friend hurt me in everyway. though u didn't know. i was crying. i was crying. please remember , i treated you like as though u are the only one who could make me smile.u may not know, but right now i am telling u. i held you high above anyone else. tht's why when u left me, i was lost; in despair ; shocked ; heart-broken ;mental breakage and felt like there is completely no one in this earth whom i can trust and believe and love. you may not know how i cried and cried till wee hrs whenever i thought of you. till this very fateful day, i still cry whenever i remembered i lost you.

it has been 2 years my love.and i am still crying. Did you even know? ppl who don't know me may think i am insociable. but i am just one lost kid who can't tear down the solid bricks with cememnt that i bulid with my own bare hands to once again trust . i can't (w). i just can't.

ppl thinks i am weak. i know i am. dear friend. have you ever felt so horrified when you realise i left you? were u thinking i am just one stupid bitch who like guys over my lovely friend? 2 yrs my love. it has been 2years. 3.5yrs to be more exact.

what am i suppose to do. if anyone were to leave me right now. i would go into a state of depression and might never climb back again. you have lovely friends in jc. i have none. no one in my stupid class bothers abt me. even if i died it's just less one person paying money to the treasurer.

i don't blame you for still liking him. but i want to ask. what would you do if you were to see me once more appearing infront of you with eyes tht shows nth but pain and sorrow and a body which moves due to the brain and discover tht joey is now almost nth but an empty shell with the soul of her cheerful spirit gone with the years.would you pity me? would you beg me to return him to you? would you say a word of sorry for all these while? what would you do my darling.

he treats you well. seriously. i didn't know you and him went to the airport and even watched him played soccer. i didn't know. because he didn't tell. to him it may be trivia matters but, to me when it involves you. i am still concern. i am trying my best to still like you. but why did you broke the trust. why must all these be in a triangle ? who will benefit? all will be losers.

humans are selfish. i can now announce that i am not selfish.i am not. even if an enemy would to call to ask me rush down to comfort the person i would. because i can't bear to see another person to turned out to be me. i am almost a tragic . almost incurable. but there is hope. if only u could talk to me. if only we were close once more. if only i could stand up from where i fall. then , i will be rescued.

refer to fig(1.1)
but will you rescue me? the decision lies in your hands.
you have the ability to kill me or you can save me.
you decied. lastwords. you were once my all , my sky .but with a twist of fates we fell apart as weaklings once more.

jnzl

dream

i had a dream..

i was dreaming i was in somewhere, then i saw my classmate HK approaching me. i was like stun. why would he walk towards me? doesn't he avoids me during sch and even if we walk together or me asking a qn both of us wld feel damn awakward.

so we are class mate yet strangers.i think i can communicate wth strangers better.
he is like sending a signal to me tht he totally disapprove of me and dun bother getting close to him as he will ignore my presence like molecules in the air which u can't see.

in short. INVISIBLE.
so , my dream continues when he approaches me with a arm gentle smile.he wanted to talk to me.i was ok!

then we took a cab to my mum house and on the way , we talked very little. i was feeling damn hot and i asked him if we can both wind down the windows to get the nice wind. by the way , it is like on haiiwai beach where the scenary is damn nice, sea is blue, lucious green grass and nice light blue with fluffy clods sky.

he was like: HEY! tht's what i wanted to do too!
me: really? i thought you would show me the WTH face!hahaha(laughing heartily)
he: hey u know something? i suddenly found you quite a good person after all.let's be really nice friends ok?
me: AH LOL. really? thanks! i thought u treated me as an enemy all these while!is it because i sleep a lot and u just hate tht?

he: keeps quiet.(stares at the blue sky with mind deep in thoughts)
me: is somebody forcing you to be my friend? is he mr cia?
he: keeps quiet and showing a face of sadness while looking at me .
me: am i pathethic? are you showing ur pity towards me?

he: i am going to let u meet someone

after taxi came out , we went to my mum hse, emptied all the old photos my mum had.
then after i step out of the door with hk, i saw sufi.

i was like: you know him?!
he grabed my arm and next thing i know we are in a bridal botique.
i was looking like a star with red lipstick and a very fair face with a mole on top of my cheek.
i was wearing a dam sexy bride's dress which was in white. no lace!!

he was wearing black and white tuxedo and we posed for the camera. with all those funny poses i acted out , the photographer said it was very nice.

i received it in a like passport photo size a little bigger and found out tht we look damn nice! the person passing the photo to him said we were made for each other.i was like awwww.

then i chose which photo to be placed in the front page of the marriage book i guess.
then i woke up.

ok this drama dream is dam wth.
jnzl

cruelty by man kind

dear blog readers,

i asked for one small favour, please go to this website and view the videos on cruelty on meat which you eat everyday. chicken, turkey , fishes.

click on this is see.

after viewing all those videos and seeing the slaughtering process .
i feel sad for human man-kind.

although i will not be a vegtarian as i still like meat. tht's the fact tht most of u will face.
BUT I WANT TO HELP!!!!

all i ask , after viewing those horrible videos and facing reality tht humans can be so HORRIBLE.

imagine yourself still concious , they put u in a machine and slits your throat, blood spurts out, but yet u are alive.

they bring you another place. there they pull out ur treachea(throat) and u are still alive!
you die by them pulling you apart frm limb to limb. hands first! and slit ur belly with you watching it.

DEAR GOD, PLEASE ALLOW THEM TO JUST DIE.

seriously,the reason for the ppl to not ensuring tht they die because it is too costly.

chicken die while being scalded alive.
i now understand why at sec 4 vic hates kfc chickens.

because the fact tht they jump on chickens for fun and slamming them on the wall just for the sake of FUN.

godblessthechickens.
the cruelty of man-kind makes me wanna cry.
so dear fellow kind human beings. please just view the videos.

while eating those chickens , beef,etc. please say a prayer for them and try to eat lesser meat.
godblessyou.(i'm not a christian)

JNZL

too sweet to resist

my dear pian-de-na, you are simply irresistible that is the reason why i kept calling you , kept bugging you to call me , kept telling you that i don't want to hang up.i am sorry , but is it my fault that you are so irresistible?
your voice is just like my source of energy, i am sorry that i kept buggin you. at some point in time , you may find me a nuisence as i kept calling you.
remember, don't leave me no matter what i say. don't leave me no matter how much i tell u that i hate you just don't leave me. because at the end of my journey you are suppose to be still there. be with me, i promise i will make you time worthwhile.

to MR cia and sk.

oh to these 2 ppl, they are sooo sweet.i would like to show appreciation to mr cia, my form teacher. He is a fab teacher, he may seem funny and very playful , but i had the opportunity to see the high EQ sight of him, he may be a teacher , but to me , he seems like a big brother to me.

because the very fact that he actually put his words into actions made me feel so touched. i believe any teacher who come across me may look at me as a troublesome kid , but he not only became my listening ear and not being impatient at any time , even though the timing was so late already, he continued to listen and helped me solve the unsolvable.

the things he did secrectly was so touching , even though the way he lied sucks and moreover he is lying to a great lier. but he bothered to do his own research , did everything in silent. a really big thankyou for silently supporting. to me you are a GREAT teacher, because you cared. you should know that u made an impact on me, and i told you tht.

dear sk , thanks for spending your precious sleeping time with me so as to accompany me to study. thank you so much for helping me through this difficult timing and you didn't complain.
i can't thank you enough. with friends like you, i am satisfied.

JNZL

turning pt.

life is just so hectic and i am not adding any kerosene nor cooking oil to my pathetic miserable sch life. just because i am rebellious and yes, i am seeking death.

MAIN PT: DRILLED MY LOVELY BALL

well , i did my circular motion tys mcqs already. not much accomplised.
ok well everyone i am going to change my life.

if u think i can't make it last min , then dun even think i can even last for one battle than you suck. hahaha.. yeah i am scolding ppl!!! =.=

I JOEY NG ZI LIN FROM THIS VERY DAY ONWARDS WILL USE ALL HER EFFORTS TO PUT IN ALL THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO PASS PROMOS.

the very fact tht i dun wan to lose to my fellow peers motivates me and i thank to all the supportive friends i have whom have scolded me , comfort me , insist tht i press on , told me tht they care so much and hate to see me destroying my life in a nonsense way which i will look back and once more regret.

and i thank my friends who told me tht they will be there for me no matter what the future holds. there are even friends who went all the way to go to the airport to do his work just because he would like to accompany me study if i was there and even though i didn't show up , he didn't said a word. there are also friends who will sms me just to check on me if i studied, and everytime i replied no , i would feel a sense of guilt creeping up inside me.

thank you for all the support and did some refelctions and finally made up my mind tht i would be a total bastard if i failed my promos when i did not even tried my best after all those encouragement tht i received frm my dear friends.

even if mjc ppl hates me or anti me, i am so glad my true friends stick with me through thick and thin. oh how can i forgot. there is another friend who silently supports me although no one is aware of our relationship , and his actions are not big , but yet strong enough to make me remember his words.

he told me" i will be strong because you are too"
really like this friend.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.~ Mark Twain
jnzl

[life is sweet after all when ppl are showering love sugar cubes]

i freaking did it once omore

IT DIDN'T WENT ACCORDING TOI PLAN!! I FELL ASLEEP!!!HP DIDN'T WAKE ME UP STUPID MOM KAY PO AGAIN GO CHARGE ALTHOUGH FOR THE 50 00000000X TIMES I TOLD HER NOT TO!!!! MISSED BREAKFAST WITH H.B!!!NO!! PURPOSELY DID E-LEARNING TILL DAWN AND THIS IS WHAT I GET!!! FUCK THIS WOLRD UPSIDE DOWN LA. AH!!!!!

For those whose wish to waste time this is what i got from colourgenics

did the test twice got similar ans.

this shows it's kinda accurate.

Name: joey.nDate: 8/3/2008Colorgenics Number: 17043256

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

All of your dreams and hopes have not materialised and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet.

But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop.

Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

___________________________

lalalala. i still love you my lovely joey.

jnzl(goin mad)

i did it!!!!

DEAR FELLOW human beings who are still surviving ...

I,yes i ,joey ng zi lin is almost offically tired and ALMOST drained out of my last concious mentality.
today night went out with cas, vic and ernie to study.

well tht was the idea until they kept talking and i kept joining in and once i put my earpiece in wanting to do some work at least , cas turned and mouthed some words. LOL. then i forget it and start chit chatting like i always do.

so reached home like 10pm already.
got a glitter eye liner.(made myself felt better someway or another)
or maybe even worse.

ok. MAIN POINT!!!
I HAVE DONE ALL THE E-LEARNING IN 3-4 HRS!!
YES! NOW IT IS FREAKING 5.10AM AND YES! I 'VE NOT SLEPT.

luckily today no sch. or else i WAHAHAHAHA.......gg
i swear after i finished my maths e-learning which happens to be the last. i was sooo happy.
but i've yet done the assement. well who does. ok tht's not the point.

just need to get the GP s printed out , spend 30 mins on it . and ta da! i am done for e-learning..

well not the homework part of course. doing it today afternoon.saying abt afternoon.
i'm drilling my reactive ball!! nice of wad man. HAHAHAHA...with shun xiong at CBC at 3pm.

ok, if all goes well(normally they dun) then i will be a happy girl who will be eating her sweet breakfast at 6.3oam with someone draggin the feet to meet me. AHAHAHAHA...

LIFE'S STILL GREAT FOR NOW.
i love you joey.muacks!

jnzl

HAPPY OR SAD?

when it all seems well and nice going.
when you have a pair of sunglasses which allows your eyes to rest in peace, you just have to take it down and see the glaring world where everything is so freaking glaring then u will regret.

you know something? just when you think that life is going to be more smooth sailing just for once in your likfe , reality itchy hands just have to slap you real hard in the face tht the fact is life can't be problem free for once.

and you will just have to once again , stand up with your leg , knees and feets all injured and bleeding frm all the falls you have been through and once again use your almost depleted courage to face the world with your numb face producing a smile which only you know is fake.

like what murfey's law says" what goes wrong will go wrong" once again , i am slapped harshly by destiny and keep thinking of all the things life has done to me and wonder if all these are obstacles for me to achieve my goal or i am born out in this world just to be punished.

okok.. i shall talk

ON MONDAY IS COLLEGE DAY!!!! MEANS NO SCH!
HERE COMES THE BAD PART. there is e-learning. ok but i may finish it today...

for those who vists my blog. dun mind tagging?

oh.. to H.B
YEAH!! I GOT 3 RINGS!!! ONE old one which i lost and used urs.
the other two i chose the design so of course it is nice. LOL i so bhb.but who cares anyway.thanks for buying it for me. you are the best!!!!

will upload the 3 rings photo in another post.!

oh you know when i went to SUPERCUTS to cut my hair. trim to be precise. he said he can't cut much .

conversation
H:" you rebonded your hair?"
j"yup"
H:"How long has it been?"
J:"7-8 mths?"
H:"ooh i thought 2 mths! so that means ur hair is naturally straight?"
J:" erm no"
.
.
.

ok wad ever.i type this conver for fun.ok the pt is that u can't see the difference in my hair. unless you observe me quite alot.
fringe feels much better.
i am so happy!he said my hair destined to be long. woo hoo~~ i wan long long hair.

ok. shucks i still have phys to prepare and my PROMOS START AT 22ND Sept.

go joey