doesnt matter aint more

just wanted to called for some comfort but got a cold reply.
just wanted to ask for help cause i am scared and dunno what to do.
but i just got an angry reply.
called because you are the first one i'd turned to but no u hated it.
called because i hope u did cared but no you just want me to hang up.
since when i got this clingy i also didnt realise.
called because i was hoping you would say" its ok and help me "

all you wanted was to sleep.
it is wrong to want to sleep? nope.
is it wrong to feel pissed ? nope.
is it wrong to just let me decide when i said i couldnt decide and asked me to call other people? nope.

its all my fault.its all my fault. its all my fault. its all my fault.its all my fault.
dont worry. i know. you are too tired too busy.

u said i am a grown up already.
so i dont really know what are you there for. oh ya does it matter? nope cause its all my own wrongdoing.
do i deserve it? i dunno. i tried. yup not enough not showing. its my fault.

dont you feel happy seeing me helpless but will try my best not to turn to you anymore?
i know you are.

you made me felt like i was one irritating bitch that kept calling.
i am sorry for what i did. but dont worry. it is all my fault.

i should turn into someone who blames everything on myself.
its me its me its me.

i pictured a beautiful world. but its me that made it seem ugly.
what can i ask for ? nothing. i will get nothing in return.
yes the picture is beautiful but yet so sad isnt it? because it will only live in our minds of us . people who have yet grown up. growing up is right. stubborn? no. wanted more guidance but you couldnt offer me that.

do i find others then my beautiful friend?

JNZL