Monday, April 18, 2011
to dearest
DEAR dearest(u know its u right)
just promise me tht we will never ever ever ever ever be apart no matter what happens to me. just promise me that u will always be on my side when i tell u my problems. just promise to hold on to me when i fall. just promise me that you and i will never be like all my past horrible bestf. who betrayed me, stabbed me in the back. just promise me you will never judge me.i need my awesome to be impartial to not judge me in whatever. to believe in my decisions to believe i have my own reasons for doing things. most importantly never ever judge me because i am so scared that you will judge me and leave me for good when i tell u my problems. its so hard for a person to really mean it when they dont judge. like those friends on gossip girls. remember what horrible things selena did and their friends didnt judge? can u do tht for me?
i think its only a matter of time i lose control of myself.when i do be there for me like u promised. the.only.reason.why.ihavent.been.able.to.tell.u.my.problems.is.because.i.am.scared.of.losing.u.
love you always and hope u do too.
JNZL
to you
to you:
i feel so miserable so horrible so disgusted at myself for having those horrible thoughts. i just feel so unsafe, i dun feel protected. AND YOU made it worse by deleting those msgs and making me feel even more angry and u know what the hell if you could just be frank with me for whatever u do i wont have to keep bugging u to show me. AS IN WHAT THE HELL. WHAT DO U EXPECT ME TO REACT WHEN U ARE SO DEFENSIVE ABT UR WHATSAPP AND TEXTS.dont talk to me abt privacy. we are like half a decade thru and u we are sooo past the privacy issue. what's there to hide if u are not scared or guilty. huh. likeing u are making the situation worse x234325245.
enuf said k,nt even a text frm u after like 4-5 days? excellent. what's to expect right. all these anger piling up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up. and before i slit someone else throat, i dunno i need a therapist. like totally .
after u said u DONT FEEL LIKE HELPING ME? JUST DONT WANT? EVEN AFTER I CRIED SOO MUCH? WHAT DID U SAY BASTARD? DONT WANT? DONT FEEL LIKE IT? GET UR HEAD STRAIGHT , I AM NOT UR ORDINARY FRIEND , AND WHAT IS OUR INITIAL PURPOSE OF BECOMING THIS STATUS? TO ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN THE OTHER PARTY NEEDS YOU RIGHT. HELLO?! U HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE THERE WHEN I NEED U. U JUST CHOOSE NOT TO. SO THIS IS WHY PPL KILL EACH OTHER. SO IF I CAN DO THE SAME ISNT THIS CALLED STRANGERS? LIKE IF I SEE AN OLD WOMAN FALL DOWN I CAN DONT WANT TO HELP BECAUSE SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME AND EVEN IF SHE DIES ITS NOT MY PROB. U KNOW KARMA COMES ROUND. I DUNNO I FEEL LIKE HURTING THE PPL U WLD LOVE MOST NEXT TIME. MAKE U FEEL HOW IS IT LIKE TO BE THE OTHER END. BECAUSE LAO NIANG DONT FEEL LIKE IT. YAH ALL THESE, U CANT BLAME ME. U TAUGHT ME THIS IDIOT. SO NEXT TIME WHEN I PULL THIS STUNT ON PPL U LOVE MORE THAN ME . U WILL FEEL IT .YES. BECAUSE WHEN I NEEDED U SO MUCH . ITS LIKE I THROW AWAY MY PRIDE AND BEGGED U TO ACCOMPANY ME. U SAID. U DONT FEEL LIKE IT. MAY GOD HAVE PITY ON U.
JNZL
i feel so miserable so horrible so disgusted at myself for having those horrible thoughts. i just feel so unsafe, i dun feel protected. AND YOU made it worse by deleting those msgs and making me feel even more angry and u know what the hell if you could just be frank with me for whatever u do i wont have to keep bugging u to show me. AS IN WHAT THE HELL. WHAT DO U EXPECT ME TO REACT WHEN U ARE SO DEFENSIVE ABT UR WHATSAPP AND TEXTS.dont talk to me abt privacy. we are like half a decade thru and u we are sooo past the privacy issue. what's there to hide if u are not scared or guilty. huh. likeing u are making the situation worse x234325245.
enuf said k,nt even a text frm u after like 4-5 days? excellent. what's to expect right. all these anger piling up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up. and before i slit someone else throat, i dunno i need a therapist. like totally .
after u said u DONT FEEL LIKE HELPING ME? JUST DONT WANT? EVEN AFTER I CRIED SOO MUCH? WHAT DID U SAY BASTARD? DONT WANT? DONT FEEL LIKE IT? GET UR HEAD STRAIGHT , I AM NOT UR ORDINARY FRIEND , AND WHAT IS OUR INITIAL PURPOSE OF BECOMING THIS STATUS? TO ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN THE OTHER PARTY NEEDS YOU RIGHT. HELLO?! U HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE THERE WHEN I NEED U. U JUST CHOOSE NOT TO. SO THIS IS WHY PPL KILL EACH OTHER. SO IF I CAN DO THE SAME ISNT THIS CALLED STRANGERS? LIKE IF I SEE AN OLD WOMAN FALL DOWN I CAN DONT WANT TO HELP BECAUSE SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME AND EVEN IF SHE DIES ITS NOT MY PROB. U KNOW KARMA COMES ROUND. I DUNNO I FEEL LIKE HURTING THE PPL U WLD LOVE MOST NEXT TIME. MAKE U FEEL HOW IS IT LIKE TO BE THE OTHER END. BECAUSE LAO NIANG DONT FEEL LIKE IT. YAH ALL THESE, U CANT BLAME ME. U TAUGHT ME THIS IDIOT. SO NEXT TIME WHEN I PULL THIS STUNT ON PPL U LOVE MORE THAN ME . U WILL FEEL IT .YES. BECAUSE WHEN I NEEDED U SO MUCH . ITS LIKE I THROW AWAY MY PRIDE AND BEGGED U TO ACCOMPANY ME. U SAID. U DONT FEEL LIKE IT. MAY GOD HAVE PITY ON U.
JNZL
too many ppl
Dear guy,
sometimes when too many people are chasing you , or hot on heels you will feel you are so wanted that u dun regard girls as impt any more. i made me realise what a spoilt guy u are. maybe you are charismatic, and many girls just fall to ur feet wanting your attention . thts cool with me . but whats not cool is when you said you wouldnt bother to chase a girl as the reason is because u are so proud and egoistic?
i dunno. but i sure know it was a big turn off for me. not being humble . so i decided, if all u are is just being nice to all the girls u have met, so there is actually no real meaning in u being extra nice yah. so i am going to extract you out from my life. totally. learn from ur brother dude. =__=
sincerely frm all the girls.
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i couldnt sleep. there are too may things on my mind. no.1 was my last final MYE paper. was thinking if i shld go to the airport and there it stays in my mind till 6am crapp~
i have also made another life changing decisions.
seems like all the pretty ppl get more previllages.
i shall not ask god why my mr right has nv been here or why everybody just want me to change.
i shall slowly , but surely step by step turn into a woman who is everybody miss right.
isnt it better? for once not blaming life and point the finger to oneself?
JNZL
sometimes when too many people are chasing you , or hot on heels you will feel you are so wanted that u dun regard girls as impt any more. i made me realise what a spoilt guy u are. maybe you are charismatic, and many girls just fall to ur feet wanting your attention . thts cool with me . but whats not cool is when you said you wouldnt bother to chase a girl as the reason is because u are so proud and egoistic?
i dunno. but i sure know it was a big turn off for me. not being humble . so i decided, if all u are is just being nice to all the girls u have met, so there is actually no real meaning in u being extra nice yah. so i am going to extract you out from my life. totally. learn from ur brother dude. =__=
sincerely frm all the girls.
----------------------------------
i couldnt sleep. there are too may things on my mind. no.1 was my last final MYE paper. was thinking if i shld go to the airport and there it stays in my mind till 6am crapp~
i have also made another life changing decisions.
seems like all the pretty ppl get more previllages.
i shall not ask god why my mr right has nv been here or why everybody just want me to change.
i shall slowly , but surely step by step turn into a woman who is everybody miss right.
isnt it better? for once not blaming life and point the finger to oneself?
JNZL
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
How to be attractive
My fantasy world would be a guy giving me 100% attention, would SMS me first would take the bloody initiative to do things they are supposed to do. To chase girls not the other way and to be romantic like how it would melt ones heart.
U know I chatted with him abt so many things yesterday. We were really open. Like really open. So here comes the qn. What if one day we decided to call it quits. U know things like that. We talked abt how he would be my perfect guy friend. But I asked him isn't it weird if u are my best guy friend and still not my boyfriend? So we moved on to why am I not that attractive. So since I was feeling so open tht day I dunno why I am able to talk abt things like this too. So we were exchanging comments on how loud and vulgaur I was.
He tried to explain using scenarios like if snsd were to act like me behind screen what will I feel. So everyone has established something which is I look good in photos. Just only Lena told me tht too. I was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Ok so we chatted and talked on how can I be more attractive. I know wth yeah. We finalized it. I just need to close my mouth, subtle smile, be what I look like. The girl next door though I swear I am very extreme on the inside. To say a little vulgar to laugh softer to talk softer to be more sweet , kind.
ALL IN ALL. to act like I am not myself is the best way to present myself. Well done.
You know I really hate it when guys don text u FIRST! and u need to think of a gazillion things on what to type on just one SMS. Isn't it easier for the guy to just be cold? Frm the start? Maybe being nice to everybody results in ppl misunderstanding ur own actions.
I just hate mind games. U know it's like a contest who is being colder or care less. Because if I were to show tht I care more I lose. So I put down my sword and really hope u wld join my side. Because I dun know anymore which page u are on. and I don't want u to avoid me when we meet. Then why the hell did we even msg anyway.
So tell me if it's killing u inside cause it's killing me too.
JNZL
U know I chatted with him abt so many things yesterday. We were really open. Like really open. So here comes the qn. What if one day we decided to call it quits. U know things like that. We talked abt how he would be my perfect guy friend. But I asked him isn't it weird if u are my best guy friend and still not my boyfriend? So we moved on to why am I not that attractive. So since I was feeling so open tht day I dunno why I am able to talk abt things like this too. So we were exchanging comments on how loud and vulgaur I was.
He tried to explain using scenarios like if snsd were to act like me behind screen what will I feel. So everyone has established something which is I look good in photos. Just only Lena told me tht too. I was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Ok so we chatted and talked on how can I be more attractive. I know wth yeah. We finalized it. I just need to close my mouth, subtle smile, be what I look like. The girl next door though I swear I am very extreme on the inside. To say a little vulgar to laugh softer to talk softer to be more sweet , kind.
ALL IN ALL. to act like I am not myself is the best way to present myself. Well done.
You know I really hate it when guys don text u FIRST! and u need to think of a gazillion things on what to type on just one SMS. Isn't it easier for the guy to just be cold? Frm the start? Maybe being nice to everybody results in ppl misunderstanding ur own actions.
I just hate mind games. U know it's like a contest who is being colder or care less. Because if I were to show tht I care more I lose. So I put down my sword and really hope u wld join my side. Because I dun know anymore which page u are on. and I don't want u to avoid me when we meet. Then why the hell did we even msg anyway.
So tell me if it's killing u inside cause it's killing me too.
JNZL
Monday, April 11, 2011
confused
you know ppl always say when u find the right guy it comes to u naturally.
i am so puzzled with what life is trying to steer me to.
a path of self destruction or to a path of better happiness. every time i am waivered i always have my principals to stand by so therefore i am sort of safe i guess?
sometimes treating me like as if i will always be by ur side is kinda dangerous. even though u are always so eligible, in times like this, i just pray that you would treat me better.
treat me like as though you really love me. treat me like as if today might be our last . treat me right is it always that hard?
is it always hard to express what you really feel? or is it u are feeling so whatever . so u didnt realise that i became colder? like didnt u notice i am different now? i dont throw a big fuss when u have no time for me. be it too tired, too much work , no family time and so on. didnt u realise i just say ok? as in since when on earth am i so calm and composed. u know i know u wont change. deep down u know its hard for me to change too. sometimes u hold the upper hand so i got to shut the hell up and let u win. but why is it me tht must change? why arnt u changing dam it. u have no right to tell me to change if u cant even change urself for me. what happen to the two way thing.
sometimes, its so scary thinking how everything would change . how i would be deceived for life and i wouldnt even notice it.as in i give u the benefit of doubt tht u are tired tht day.
so the real qn is , are u really prepared to give ur everything to me?
--------------------------------------
my god dam dad is always asking me to slim down.
ok fine lena too.
ok now i am doing something abt it.
so i was thinking.
if i become slimmer and pretty will ppl love me more? will i hv more chances of having the upper hand and become the one the chooses instead always feeling like i am always on the chopping board.
so if i am prettier will u treasure me more, but why only treasure me more when i become pretty? why cant u treasure me more when i am at my ugliest. so if i become prettier i will be wilder i will attract more guys, then u will feel more protective of me? if i become prettier will u treat me better? will u listen to me more? will u be happier because u can show me off to ur friends? am i such a disgrace now?so i am always thinking. if i am prettier, yes ppl will respect me more,yes ppl will love me more yes ppl will treasure me more and yes ppl will want me more and yes ppl will listen to me more and yes i will be more powerful.
and ppl always asking me why the hell am i not changing for myself but for others. u know i am so tired of explaining.
isnt obvious. i want ppl to treasure me more i want ppl to love me more i want ppl to respect me more i want ppl to want me more and not make me feel like as if i am some kns outcast or some person who can be thrown here and ther or some person who can be made used of. because i want all these i need to be prettier.
JNZL
i am so puzzled with what life is trying to steer me to.
a path of self destruction or to a path of better happiness. every time i am waivered i always have my principals to stand by so therefore i am sort of safe i guess?
sometimes treating me like as if i will always be by ur side is kinda dangerous. even though u are always so eligible, in times like this, i just pray that you would treat me better.
treat me like as though you really love me. treat me like as if today might be our last . treat me right is it always that hard?
is it always hard to express what you really feel? or is it u are feeling so whatever . so u didnt realise that i became colder? like didnt u notice i am different now? i dont throw a big fuss when u have no time for me. be it too tired, too much work , no family time and so on. didnt u realise i just say ok? as in since when on earth am i so calm and composed. u know i know u wont change. deep down u know its hard for me to change too. sometimes u hold the upper hand so i got to shut the hell up and let u win. but why is it me tht must change? why arnt u changing dam it. u have no right to tell me to change if u cant even change urself for me. what happen to the two way thing.
sometimes, its so scary thinking how everything would change . how i would be deceived for life and i wouldnt even notice it.as in i give u the benefit of doubt tht u are tired tht day.
so the real qn is , are u really prepared to give ur everything to me?
--------------------------------------
my god dam dad is always asking me to slim down.
ok fine lena too.
ok now i am doing something abt it.
so i was thinking.
if i become slimmer and pretty will ppl love me more? will i hv more chances of having the upper hand and become the one the chooses instead always feeling like i am always on the chopping board.
so if i am prettier will u treasure me more, but why only treasure me more when i become pretty? why cant u treasure me more when i am at my ugliest. so if i become prettier i will be wilder i will attract more guys, then u will feel more protective of me? if i become prettier will u treat me better? will u listen to me more? will u be happier because u can show me off to ur friends? am i such a disgrace now?so i am always thinking. if i am prettier, yes ppl will respect me more,yes ppl will love me more yes ppl will treasure me more and yes ppl will want me more and yes ppl will listen to me more and yes i will be more powerful.
and ppl always asking me why the hell am i not changing for myself but for others. u know i am so tired of explaining.
isnt obvious. i want ppl to treasure me more i want ppl to love me more i want ppl to respect me more i want ppl to want me more and not make me feel like as if i am some kns outcast or some person who can be thrown here and ther or some person who can be made used of. because i want all these i need to be prettier.
JNZL
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