abandoned

ABANDONED ONCE MORE.

before i head out to watch youtube to make me happier, i shall pour all my sorrows here once and for all and heck to care who sees it cause i am feeling so bad right now i think i will just say it and let it go and try again once more and not just sit down there and die~

you know, i tried really hard to be nice, to be funny and talk like one of them and to mingle...
but no matter how hard i tried to mingle, there is always a GAP or WALL which stops me from mingling.

you know , friends are seasonal. they be with you when they feel sticky or when they feel u rock.
-.-

an example would be Y sticking with D all the time .
but when it comes to project work, HOW COME Y IS NOT WITH D?
hmmm... who knows right.

you know overnight, i suddenly became their "invisible friend"
so they nv invite me to study together, nv ask to hang out together.
well, we arnt tht close so closing one eye for the hang out part.

but STUDY! hey come on...
they called soooooo many people and guess how i found out.
i met them in the sch library and boom! i saw all of them gather and i dun think they seem rather pleased to see me in there.

i was like cant they kindly invite me ? we are classmates after all right.
did i really really did something which made it feel unpleasant?

i overheard L saying " trust me working with her is going to be unpleasant" (ok i dun noe if this line was for me but i think they wld hav felt it some way or another)

it hurt my feelings soo bad i think i cld have cried.
or rather i cried. but it was hours later.

so am i really unpleasant?
am i really so dam hard to click?

oh ya, they do communicate to me when they sense something urgent that they do not know.
-.-

today grouping was ...

well initially i knew i was no hope in hoping they could accept me in their group, its not like i am not hardworking or leeching off ppl.

so there were 5 of us.
suddenly there was a grp of 4.

i knew i was going to be kicked out.
like as if tht wasnt bad enough, C came along and they started chit chatting and i think they wanted C to be in .

THEN i heard :" then joey how" .
wa holy mongolian. i straight away know in their heart they were thinking like: "ARGH why is joey here, how to tell her? cant she automatic leave?" i swear that broke my heart

and i was like looking EVERYWHERE for a group and maybe god was merciful, someone didnt had a group, so i paired with the new girl and another girl with another boy.

i really wished D would be my friend back, because one classmate asked if we were still friends.
holy molly.

feel so weak being alone once more. oh dont say i nv try ok.

I WAS THE ONE WHO INITIATED ALL THE SMSES.
I DID MY PART or more.

so my only true friends are probably bowling and dumbass.

maybe i should slim down and look super pretty and be super popular so all these wont happen.
ya, like as though becoming that wont hav any probs.


JNZL