the last time

For all the heart wrench i have suffered, it was all my own choice. It was the road that i have chosen.

I truly enjoyed the very fact that i love to inflict such emotional scars on myself, which i could avoid but i truly know i wanted to stay.

all the times i allowed you in, just to know you will leave again.

sounds like a slut.

so this is the last time i will let you step on me, use me like i am your slave, blatantly hitting on woman, shamelessly talk about your obstacles of how i have indeed block your way to seduce even more woman, to lie to me w/o batting an eyelid saying how you ever loved me, to receive your ridiculous scoldings calling me a prostitute /slut, lying that you never tried out other woman, lie to me that you won't fool around and all that i saw was just for fun, that you were always truthful to your words.

this is the last time that i will so foolishly believe that love and concern could leak out from your mouth, believing that even as a friend, you would respect me. the last time that i will wonder how perfect if i could watch your face as i fall asleep and that how safely i would be in your arms for that brief moment before you would skype with other woman who would reciprocate your sexual desires with videos, pictures and even meeting up. maybe that twins were yours.

this is the last time i would check your phone and seeing that you were meeting multiple woman and understanding how much of a fool which i am. How much i actually do love myself enough to allow your actions to keep killing me.

and i wonder, will my heart in the near future stop because maybe heaven would be a better place where i may finally rest my body. Or maybe hell to allow pure torture to seep into my body

This is the last time i would cry silently without showing my true feelings.

so i will ask you one final time: why did you allow yourself to destroy a girl who didn't understand the hypocrisy of men and this world.

JNZL