forever

every time when i watch a drama and manage to cry is because my mind will automatically picture you in this situation and every time my mind does that i will cry.

a simple reason which took me soo long to realize.
i really cannot live without you.

you know couples always had trouble thinking what they would etch on their rings.
some would be so chim i wouldn't bother to understand.

but you know what i have always wanted to be on my ring would be
words like : forever together, eternal.. ( things like that)

because ultimately its the simplest words in life that we tend to forget.
we always forget to live for ourselves and we always forget how truly important someone is to you until you lost them.

i know i may be dramatic but you know if my life were to be someone who keeps everything to herself. i might really go mental which means that is why i am always so vocal.

finding a person who is able to sacrifice everything for you only happens in drama or drastic situations .
however for normal human life, finding someone who is able to take in everything you got and still willing to stay put with you, you better not lose sight of him cause a second one might never come along again.

i am so happy i have found mine.
although i am still resistant to whatever i need to sacrifice, living without him is still unspeakable.
past exp which might make me mental if i have to go through it again.
young, teenage. so my adult life will not let any of it happen right.

the thing i fear most.
people leaving me.

its not a fear that i can overcome, even with help.
so the word forever means so so so so so much more to me than you can ever realise.

so i would sacrifice things that mean so much to me just to be with you.
because no matter what leaving you is still ultimately the worst feeling i would never want to have.

this is not an emo post.
i just really want to type out my thoughts and my true feelings .

( you know, now i imagine myself alone on rock19 or on a bench looking at life doing its magic, i can feel myself saying " ah... you know no matter how life hard may be now, looking at the sea, the people , you will realise that someone is always looking out for you and is always concern about you. no matter how lonely you feel, no matter how life brings you down, there is always someone who will be willingly to love you unconditionally and with that, continue to live a life that is worthwhile looking back "



yours truly
jnzl.