my heart is always so defenceless, yet i seek the mutated angel.
when ever ppl form hearts with their hands, i will imagine your hand forming next to mine and it hurts.
now, suddenly my heart started to beat again.
and i understand, i am in no position to say anything.
i am in no position to demand everything. sometimes i even feel like i am a dog tht is always waiting for the owner to throw it some treats or play with it so tht i would be happy.
how could i be so happy yet so afraid at the same time.
every other words tht i didnt want to hear, it came out.
why cant u tell me what i want to hear. why is reality so god dam cruel. why am i always the losing end.
is it because i am always like on the frontline. so front ppl die first right?
is tht why i am so bruised? i am always feeling tht my heart is feeling so stuffed up.
like i am in a stuffy room and cant wait to run out and breathe in fresh air.
the thing is i cant open the door ,because i know once i run and leave the room, i wld be nth more than just going insane once more.
u know, all i want is to feel protected. right now of course i feel none.
because they cant give it to me. because hearts are not mine to keep . nv did.
i have this weed inside me tht keeps growing to a sapling tht spews out thoughts.
unforgivable thoughts.
i feel like losing it.
just once and for all. i still insist. whats the effing point.
do u know how much it hurts to be the one being pushed away?
yes , u are pushing me away. i just know it. i feel so stupid. all those talks tht u want to intro guys to me?! u know how my heart bleeds as you say it and i could only laugh it off or pretend to be angry.
because i am not angry, i am feeling so hurt. its just like telling a guy tht i am not suitable but i cld intro u to other girls. LIKE. DONT U GET IT BONE HEAD?!
if i cld cry everytime i felt my heart was torn a little, singapore would flood.
its tht feeling in my heart where i want to say things but i cant.
i really want to shout it out loud to u so tht u cld understand me a little better but no i cant do tht.
its so suffocating i got to slap my chest a little , least i get cardiac arrest.
JNZL
No comments:
Post a Comment