its back

its back.
this feeling of ecstasy .

the feeling of waiting and hoping.(its not abt studies)
the feeling of wanting that particular attention is back again.

doing and trying my best to not be obvious.
trying to supress the feeling of a sudden burst of happiness when it comes.

trying to make it look all normal and tht nothing big is happening.
trying to do my best to ignore so as to make it look as if i don't really care.

however humans are such complex creatures.
we want it so much but sometimes we can do nothing to make it happen.
sometimes it is not allowed.

Trying whatever i have to just make other person discover what i have to hide.
sometimes hints ppl give are no longer obvious.

because it may just be your own hopeful thinking and those actions may just jolly well mean nth .
an ppl tend to act clever by trying to read btw those lines when there is nth to read and start imaging things that are not meant to be.

i miss ming en alrdy.
i miss tofu head
i miss atap seed too.

somethings are just meant to be left untouch.
but somehow i just always do the opposite and keep waiting for things to go my way.
JNZL