memories tht i hate to remember.

i was thinking, how my parents felt abt everything right now. is it still ok? is it still alright? i love my dad, but i dunno how to tell him i feel abt everything. he is a old man alrdy ,so i dun think there is anything tht can make up for everthing tht i went thru.back to the lonely days with only post sticks and the mini white boards tht tells me instructions.

back to those days when i sat at a corner eating milo.sitting in the fridge drinking hl milk frm the bottle.

so i was thinking. if everything was still the same, wld it be better?
either way, my life still wld be ...

so back to those pri lonely, empty nights. when there was no difference btw day and night. the ambience is still the same.

i am the strongest when no one is ard me for me to fall on.
when i am the youngest, i was the maturest, the most logical and sensible human being.
i cant believe how strong i was at a tender age.

i cant believe how i hated ppl seein me cry when i was young.thinking back, i just didnt want my crys to hurt or burden my parents.

oh my grandma too.
i remembered how i cling onto my mum's leg when i was too lonely.
i remembered spamming phone calls to girlfriends when i was too lonely.
i remembered how sad i felt when my guy friend told me how ppl think i sucks and i kept tearing but i still asked him to continue. wtf was i thinking.

i still remembered how my chi teacher asked if i was ok cause i hang out in the mall alone walking in circles.

what consoles me now because ppl with past are able to create great things.
no idea how but better than nth.

sometimes i get so fed up i wish god wld just give me a wishing wand or maybe be a vamp? -.-
k fine.





i so wanna play these two songs on my guitar.
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JNZL