uti

ok since no pics can be posted up.
i shall just tell u the story of my sad pathetic night.

yesterday i went to the airport, thinking i could
do my work overnight as the place was pretty conducive.

BUT I WAS WRONG WROG WRONG!!
this UTI virus got onto me ard 1am and i was like , omg i can't concentrate i can't stop feeling irritated abt the pain. its so arghhh!!

so i called my mom.
yes i called her.

and we end up visiting T3 Raffles Medical.

the total sum was ....
haha bet u never seen a doc tht need to pay soo much!

IT BLOODY COST ME $140 one hundred and fourty dollars!
well, consultation alone was $90 and med was $50.

oh well, u know i told my mom tht even if we go A&E in KK hospital , i think it would be cheaper please plus they would tell me to stay in for observation and i love love love to sleep in hospital due to the fact tht if i had pain or any sort , there would be professionals to help me.

however, i will have to wait to get attended , well, not tht long but the pain was almost to the stage of peeing with blood.

yeah i had UTI FOR LIKE GAZILLION TIMES and lucky i am able to spot it at 1st stage.
ok wadever. today i was suppose to go sch to collect money for alicia presssie.

stupid UTI! U RUINED MY WHOLE PLAN!

JNZL

arghh

this is what i want my head to look like.
well at least i feel tht in this state my stress would be lesser cause my hair is not the most silkest hair and yes, it feels freaking irritating

homework not done,
rashes acting up every now and then.

i CANNOT CONCENTRATE when i have rashes.
zero. like totally.

so i had hives every day.
how fucking suay can i get?

hives spread making me more irritated.
stress till i cried. cause it dam stressing when i am handicap when i hav rashes i cannot get things done.

even showering and getting into clothes plus applying cream takes 2 hrs which pisses rudi off. which in turn pisses me off too.

so do u think i am a lucky girl?
arghhh

dear jesus, allah , buddha and the rest of the god-gang,
can u please peel my skin off and give me a new one?

PLEASE?!

JNZL

Tryin

I am tryin ok I really am.
I get so frustrated over little things.

May my magical powers always be with me.

Bulls eye

I know I should nt feel angry.
I am a human come on. Cut me some slack pls,

Seriously can she just freak off??
Please!!

I can't take it. I dun hav a choice just like a dumb clown standing at the hitting area waiting for ppl to poke.

Plus I realllllliiiii wanted to wake up today. But I dun Noe why I just can't wake up w/o his call . This is so irritating I am feeling fucking stress .

Just f off. Please.

lookin back

although i know this is nt exactly the right time to review one's past , but hey! there is no 'right' time right?

have you ever re-read all your blog posts?

all your past?

i have read mine.

almost every post felt like i have been stab time and again.

i felt that every post is like a life-lesson, a bad memory.

every single post except for those few happy ones which is like 1: 20.

everytime i listen to the youtube videos which i put up, i felt a tight grip on my heart.

got this suan suan feeling.

it felt as if it just happened not too long ago. i can feel my emotions .i think if i can feel it so strongly, those close to me can feel it too.

no wonder my close friends always look worried abt me.

ah...

it's all flowing back to my brain now. those tears, those pain, those loneliness, those sleepless nights, those times when i cried as i type out my post.

all those blog posts were from my raw feelings.

even though i have not said it blatantly, but to me, it obvious.

those feelings i had, fear , desperate moments , betrayed feelings.

oh my gosh, how could one still survive.

i feel like i am a person under depression.

how come now i dun feel any of these?

maybe year 2008 was my bottom line in my life?

haha.. she kept her blog private.

i didn't. wadever la..

let ppl read my life.

tht's what i want isn't it.

i wish i could read hers, since i can't then let it be.

if no one has noticed,

now, i always can't remember the bad things ppl did to me.

i dunno why. but i know some how it must be linked to the trauma i had .it must be.

my brain just doesn't wants to recall and no matter how hard i try i just can't remember.

however, somehow or rather, my brain still retains the horror movie tht was played in my life.

maybe it was too deep.

just like what i said a yr ago TIME NUMBS ALL WOUNDS. not heal..

sad fact for me.

JNZL

my new samsung f-700!!

DEAR PEOPLE!!

i have finally bought my new phone!

SAMSUNG f-700!

ok , although this phone is not the pro like omg de htc hero , but i think it is good enough for now.

haha.. dam excited when i bought the phone pls.

anw, how could the person thought i was a guy? na bei..

oh!! btw, rudi has macbook pro le!!

yeah yeah yeah!! and guess what? he lets me use it when he's not ard!!

woo hoo.. i love taking pics!

now i can do it with my new phone and this lappy.

how blessed can i get.

i bet if the vp hears abt this she will scream her lungs out.

can she and my mom get a life?

zzz...

ok waiting for rudi to go to departure.can u believe it i am in the airport at 7am?

and after this post i am going to study till late at night ON NATIONAL DAY.

crap.
wish me luck ok!! >.>
JNZL

screwed

what happens to someone when the teachers says tht the student is literally screwed.

my tuition teacher plus Mr.GH plus miss L plus Mr L.
now ..

please tell me i am not screwed.
please..

JNZL

it's the walk

This was what i wrote on my palm today in sch after hearing some ppl talk.

Tell me again what do i live for.

yes i have returned to dedicate time to blog again.
its nice to hear frm ppl tht they check out my blog to view for updates.

let me tell you the story of me.
happening things have happened, like celebrating greg birthday, goin NDP with m.e .

however, every single day right after school.
i feel so stupid. quoted from desiree.

really.
stupid that i entered jc.
stupid that waste every single revision phys lect.
stupid that i can't even bloody memorize stats formulas even if i have read it 5 times already.
stupid that every time mr G walked past me w/o even seeing a need to look if my tutorial was done.

stupid that i can't even write a proper econs essay.
stupid tht i dun even know what mr S meant by saying elaborate not enough.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

every time i ask him wad does he meant by elaborate, he just explained and i just dun understand

stupid that i bothered to care abt other ppl's feelings.

THE STUPIDEST THING IS THAT I EVEN TRIED TO SMILE AND LAUGH WITH THEM EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY TREAT ME AS INVISIBLE.

it is not assuming. it is the fact.
because the fact tht i voiced my 2 cents worth of opinions was like 5 words long was totally ignored.

i said it 3 times.
so people , i am soo dumb to even try the second time.

i dunno why i have been so dumb and numb nowadays.

however today SK studied with me.
there are soo much joy tht i smiled my way through the msn convo.

those are happy happy moments.
much more happy moments with rudi when he took over sk when he left.








looking into the mirror.
i said "mirror , mirror ,show me what am i"
a misty cloud appeared and ...

it revealed a goldfish swimming in the sea.

it's not funny if you understood my irony.
it's hard to decipher.

just like it as as hard to catch your shadow.
JNZL