lookin back

although i know this is nt exactly the right time to review one's past , but hey! there is no 'right' time right?

have you ever re-read all your blog posts?

all your past?

i have read mine.

almost every post felt like i have been stab time and again.

i felt that every post is like a life-lesson, a bad memory.

every single post except for those few happy ones which is like 1: 20.

everytime i listen to the youtube videos which i put up, i felt a tight grip on my heart.

got this suan suan feeling.

it felt as if it just happened not too long ago. i can feel my emotions .i think if i can feel it so strongly, those close to me can feel it too.

no wonder my close friends always look worried abt me.

ah...

it's all flowing back to my brain now. those tears, those pain, those loneliness, those sleepless nights, those times when i cried as i type out my post.

all those blog posts were from my raw feelings.

even though i have not said it blatantly, but to me, it obvious.

those feelings i had, fear , desperate moments , betrayed feelings.

oh my gosh, how could one still survive.

i feel like i am a person under depression.

how come now i dun feel any of these?

maybe year 2008 was my bottom line in my life?

haha.. she kept her blog private.

i didn't. wadever la..

let ppl read my life.

tht's what i want isn't it.

i wish i could read hers, since i can't then let it be.

if no one has noticed,

now, i always can't remember the bad things ppl did to me.

i dunno why. but i know some how it must be linked to the trauma i had .it must be.

my brain just doesn't wants to recall and no matter how hard i try i just can't remember.

however, somehow or rather, my brain still retains the horror movie tht was played in my life.

maybe it was too deep.

just like what i said a yr ago TIME NUMBS ALL WOUNDS. not heal..

sad fact for me.

JNZL