i really can't sleep

i am in big trouble. i have insomnia. i swear i toss and turn and did exercise but i still cant freaking sleep.

i have been dreaming nightmares recently.

recently as in yest i dreamt tht i was some sort of zombie where u get infected and become a "zombie" but still act like a normal human being but u wld just want to infect others. sounds like a movie but i forgot the name.

so there is this tube coming out from my chest like some cancer patient. OMG. and my task is to kill my husband. so i had to throw yellow liquid in the injection tube and just like throwing darts. i dunno why. i have been dreaming of these kind of injections things lately.

must be the trauma of drawing blood and the stupid doc didnt console me.

screw him.

the last dream i had was i had to inject 4 blue liquid into my four fingers just because i made myself the test subject to test for medication. WTF IS THIS.

and there was a commando who commands me to run up century sq stairs. -__-

i am so afraid of sleeping nowadays tht i require ppl to comfort me tht i will have sweet dream.

how come there isn't any. and my hair / scalp smells weird when i scratch it. must be the sebum over produce due to stress.

i am under alot of unnecessary stress right now.

when ever i am on my bed i would always wish there wld be someone that wld sleep beside me. not just anyone of course but the ppl whom i wish to share my sleeping space with.

like it would help with my insomnia because i would feel "safe" and sleep peacefully.

nowadays i cant help but feel tht something feels wrong. i cant confirm it because i cannot interrogate my friends right. oh and i feel jealous too. BIG BIG BIG TIME.

i feel jealous because i felt left out. like how come tht person isn't communicating to me on her own? like i always have to try to initiate something. as u can see its not a guy problem. i felt like i am always the EXTRA. like i am not needed in her world anymore. i hate this feeling. really.

felt to me like D. how she went off just like tht. 

don't leave me behind pls? =(((((

feeling really lousy now. like really lousy. this feeling have been going on since quite long alrdy. just thtat i didn't want to bring it up on my blog. but i felt tht this is also the reason of my insomnia.

and i really feel like i missed out on something. can't really confirm but i have this HUGE HUNCH tht tells me i am right. feels like the person is dodgy like cannot give me straight forward answers. i think maybe because the person got other friends to share so don't need me already. 

JNZL