stress

right now i am STRESS
When i am stress i simply either focus or die.


really. and its the same stress as i face when i am having a major exam like a lvl.
i am so stress because there is so many things i need to understand , digest and puke out in exams in 4 weeks time and there is of course project which consists of 20% and the grp members are not auto matic enough.


i am so stress. tmr i wish to complete 3 major things.
finish my slides. (which is alot because i have to read the whole dam chapter) the lect slides are fucking useless.


study for my fin international. which is mother fucking tough.


all the swaps and what not.


lastly, i have to do my tutorial for my managerial.


and for my ITB all those essays . omg i dunno where to start.
finishing finance international is actually a really really big thing. tutorials to understand and be done , lect to be understood and be done. gosh.
not to metion my fin analysis (excel) exam is on oct 11. WTF


i always want to say i can do it independently. i need help. i need support. i totally need encouragement. what not right. i am like this.


plus my appedtitde is fucking annoying me. i am a glutton ever since i became stress. and ITS GETTING FAR WORSE. i got to stock up on healthy things to bite. like FRUITS. i can only think of tht. -__-


snack bars yucks.
stock up on veg? but wtf i dont cook.
cut  down on carbo. dam mother keep stuffing me rice. wa piang. i just love rice. u cannot put a mountain of rice and expect me not to finish it. even if i have to stuff it in i wld.


so i always had to scoop away rice before i start eating. really. like throw it in the rubbish bin so it becomes inedible.


my sly mom wld leave those rice behind and when i am hungry in the middle of the night, i wld eat on tht. wth. is she my step mom or what.
when i am stress i wld feel disorientated, feel out of place, feel fat, feel disgusted, no confidence.


i wld pluck my hair till it hurts, i wld scratch my head till it hurts, i wld sleep till my head hurts and i wld watch drama till i can't take it anymore.


fuck my life. fuck myself.
fuck this fuck that. i need to get hold of myself . i need to calm the fuck down.


JNZL