i am sorry

i will stop.
i will stop being crazy.

do u know why have i been so crazy till today? how do i tell u?
i cant.

i have been thinking. so am i this easy, this promiscuous behavior in my blood?

no. really the answer is no.
am i seeking trouble on purpose. well maybe yes.
i cant get the ppl i want to get. so i have been crazy.

i feel so tired of crying, chasing after ppl who are finally wont be mine. do u know how horrible it feels?

but then suddenly seeing ppl doing the same to me?
i was amused. like seriously?
but none i fancy.

so i tried to be friendly to them.what the hell was i thinking.
yest was really a big wake up call. telling me i shldnt live life like this anymore.
i shldnt use u as an excuse to be like this.

i shldnt use u as a reason...
can u believe tht when all of these nonsense happened , i was thinking of u the whole time.
i was like thinking and grinning?

i was like : xxx can u see whats happening to me now. can u please save me now? can u please tell me that i shld stop ? can u come hold on to me ?

can u hold onto me right now. can u hug me tight right now. can u hug me tight right now and cry to me that i shldnt be abusing myself like that. i am sorry i cant find the heart to tell u the whole details. i just cant so thts why i am crying inside now. all i want is for u to hold me back. its not tht hard.

I am meeting new male ppl for the sake of u and one other.
always telling me to move on. blablablablablablabalbala

FINE I AM TRYING TO KNOW NEW PPL. but what to do i am always meeting these ppl?

u know what?
i dunno if u would love me /like me the way u do now if the whole raw truth came out.
probably wont.

i am very screwed and messed up right now. help me.

JNZL