jumble jumble

my feelings and thoughts are just a mess of jumble.

i have been wondering, why u cld move on so fast, it felt like one moment u are with me next we separate and next u r telling me abt ur findings of girls.

u are so hardworking. its good.

i am also trying to find my own happiness.

so far its failing, firstly it was rejection, then next was acceptance but it was wrong , following was a jerk  just like ur c.c. and finally i found someone who cld make me laugh till my cheek cramp and stomach ache and make me smile when i txt.

but u know what, i know he isnt mine to keep. not tht i can help it of course.

i am (as usual) the person with no power to decide any thing.

strange as it seems, we are moving so fast. i have nv seen a couple moving on so god dam fast.

so much so i was thinking, are they all ur shadows?

when i was clubbing, whatever he did to me, my mind was flooded with flashbacks of u. my friend said i was fail.

but worry not k, i will move on super soon. i just need more help than u did. i finally found my help line but oh man, he seems super tied down after 9 more days.

ok fine the starting was wrong, but it doesnt matter right since my brain and heart tells me so. i nv felt so clicked before.so therefore i am scared.actually i am super scared.

CAN SOMEONE JUST HUG ME AND LET ME CRY AND WHISPER TO ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. tht everything will work out just fine. that i could write my name all over what  i mentally think its mine. that no one will take my happiness away.that my heart can stop hurting and start to feel loved. 

actually, i am just a small girl with super complex thoughts and feelings and all i want for now is u. but i know all u can give me for now is everything but u. 

because i have been california wishing for your heart to be on me, my california king.

this holiday, cld anyone take a walk with me to rock 19? maybe do some reflecting? could anyone take me on a date?could god make me stronger if my path of life is so tough. 

this post is so complex and jumble wobble plopply plap.=/

JNZL