bep bop

although i know none of the ppl out there knows wth am i talking abt.
but i just continue not because i dun care but i just have to type it out.

in biological terms its is lub thud. but in my world.
it is called bep bop.

and today although i know everyday my heart beats but today was a breath taking day
my heart bep bop strongly today.

in a horrible way.
and in a fluffy way..

i wish i could pull out her nerves frm her body and maybe burn her hair and maybe give her two good tight slap.
i wish i could cut off his mouth and deflate his tummy.

i was never like this.
rushing to the toilet acting tht nth happened and i cried so hard it was soundless.
i kicked the toilet walls and open the tap to full blast so no one hears me.

it was a feeling of betrayl.
a feeling of shallow concern.
a feeling tht i was cheated.

in my mind i was like" how could she! how could he!"

my scream was so strong tht it came out in squeaks.

i had to hide my true emotions.
i had to act as if i dun give a dam.

but deep down. this feeling nv dies. cause it happened twice.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but today tofu head and tht nt-so-gummy-bear was pretty nice to me.
which i felt comforted.

when i had this bad bad day and my hp was FLAT
i wish i could hug someone and cry .
but no. there was no one i could hug nor cry on shoulders.

i had to be strong.i had to fake.
i had to be happy while i was filing my notes in the lib.
but i was glad i had tears rolling down .

at least i am a human,
i felt alone and i could nt see tht crumpler bag.
so i had no one to talk to.

but it was even out when tofu helped me carry my excessive files.
:)

my heart went bep bop again for the second time.




JNZL