irony

i hate to admit things which i dun want ppl to know.
but at the same time, i do want ppl to know..

talking abt my life in a language which u ppl would understand.
u see the irony starts when i dun really want ppl to read my blog but some how i want to show what i really feel and i want people to know tht. Also, knowing tht there are many ppl who anti me and treat my like air.

today i thought long and hard abt the irony situation in my life.
well, i hav to make it kinda vague with some rigor due to me not wanting to scare ppl whom i love.

today all those sudden disappearence of me was well spent thinking.
people knows i am emotional and to a larger degree i am a pessimisist too.

but wait.
am i being emotional and loner just so because i wanted more attention?
is that it?

am i behaving like a poor child that just lost a loved one because i want more ppl to take pity on me and try their ways to make me happy?

am i acting to be sweet and nice just so i get the things i want and afraid to show ones' true colours.
if i smiled and ask for a "bao bao" from some selected ppl, am i trying to take advantage of their kindness and use it to make myself happy?

but then again.
today i was so not foucsed.
i was thinking abt a human being all these time.
even if the dist was less than 100km, no matter how close i will always be thinking , wondering, curious abt how it would feels like to hug.

it is always me tht travels in the path taken by many but many regret and yes i am still on the path, foolish to make it happen again.
hoping for the impossible and trying to eject the human out of my mind.

but the more i do, the worse it gets.
i thought greg was bad, but this time, its worse.


JNZL