is it me

temptations are really every where.
they are soo tempting that i cant help but fall into it once again.

but then again why am i so afraid?
maybe its because i am scared tht i am over spontaneous?

we all tell lies, one way or another.
for the good of others or just to protect oneself.

in conclusion we tell lies that makes us feel better off.
but i am so scared to expose these lies
because to expose these lies i would have to tell other lies so that ppl wont know that i am telling a lie.

WOW~

---------------------------------------------------------------

now, its all back to school and scoring high grades so that in reality, i get a chance to start to work hard to earn big bucks.

and again my tuitions will start really soon and there goes my age 20.
hectic life.

OMG. in a few days time i am going to be 20.
and in a few yrs time, i will be out working
in a another few days time i would be stating down my resolutions.

and there goes another year.
will i have regrets , of course. will i look back and said it could have been better? of course.
with time comes wisdom.

IT REALLY TRUE WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU GET WISER AND YEARS GOES BY.
especially when big things happen to you.

i would like to highlight the things in my life that i hav learnt.
ok i shall do the rest other times.

but this one.
F-R-I-E-N-D-S

friends are truly seasonal.
they come as they wish, and leave as they wish.
i bet some of you that are reading this know that you are one of these people too.

its all abt the company.
once you feel accepted by your peers in a group, and once u feel that you have the power to influence, you will tend to stay longer.

evidence such as you always get called up for shopping trips, group studies or even lunch.
you will feel that you are being needed or wanted.
once you feel that, you will start to grow on them.

but what if one fine day these ppl that u lean on suddenly stop texting you, stop inviting you.
well you will just have 2 options
option 1: find another clique
option2 : be a loner.

normally people will choose option 1. but i tried so hard and i think almost nearing option2.

you see, ppl whom i talked to quite a bit cant even see me eye to eye anymore.
it is totally like HUH?!

when i smile, they just turned away like i was some disease.
its so awakard that i shld have a handbook tht teaches me how to avoid these situations.

well if you are naturally pretty seriously dun even worry.

even once my close friend D, become so far apart.
maybe due to timetable changes, we became vvv far apart.

just not long ago when i had a class, tht we were in tgt, she did not even sit by my side and nv even talked to me. well she found another close friend i guess. its very heart wrenching for me and i cant help feeling helpless.

am i complaining?
no.

i tried so hard. sms, talk, but it was of no use.
we cant be what we used to be.

maybe my wish for every year would be dumb ass being able to come back as a group to talk and chit chat as how close friends should be.

no matter how far apart we are now, there will always be a time where we can gather ard.
never feeling awkward towards each other.

thts my wish.
is that your wish too?


JNZL

abandoned

ABANDONED ONCE MORE.

before i head out to watch youtube to make me happier, i shall pour all my sorrows here once and for all and heck to care who sees it cause i am feeling so bad right now i think i will just say it and let it go and try again once more and not just sit down there and die~

you know, i tried really hard to be nice, to be funny and talk like one of them and to mingle...
but no matter how hard i tried to mingle, there is always a GAP or WALL which stops me from mingling.

you know , friends are seasonal. they be with you when they feel sticky or when they feel u rock.
-.-

an example would be Y sticking with D all the time .
but when it comes to project work, HOW COME Y IS NOT WITH D?
hmmm... who knows right.

you know overnight, i suddenly became their "invisible friend"
so they nv invite me to study together, nv ask to hang out together.
well, we arnt tht close so closing one eye for the hang out part.

but STUDY! hey come on...
they called soooooo many people and guess how i found out.
i met them in the sch library and boom! i saw all of them gather and i dun think they seem rather pleased to see me in there.

i was like cant they kindly invite me ? we are classmates after all right.
did i really really did something which made it feel unpleasant?

i overheard L saying " trust me working with her is going to be unpleasant" (ok i dun noe if this line was for me but i think they wld hav felt it some way or another)

it hurt my feelings soo bad i think i cld have cried.
or rather i cried. but it was hours later.

so am i really unpleasant?
am i really so dam hard to click?

oh ya, they do communicate to me when they sense something urgent that they do not know.
-.-

today grouping was ...

well initially i knew i was no hope in hoping they could accept me in their group, its not like i am not hardworking or leeching off ppl.

so there were 5 of us.
suddenly there was a grp of 4.

i knew i was going to be kicked out.
like as if tht wasnt bad enough, C came along and they started chit chatting and i think they wanted C to be in .

THEN i heard :" then joey how" .
wa holy mongolian. i straight away know in their heart they were thinking like: "ARGH why is joey here, how to tell her? cant she automatic leave?" i swear that broke my heart

and i was like looking EVERYWHERE for a group and maybe god was merciful, someone didnt had a group, so i paired with the new girl and another girl with another boy.

i really wished D would be my friend back, because one classmate asked if we were still friends.
holy molly.

feel so weak being alone once more. oh dont say i nv try ok.

I WAS THE ONE WHO INITIATED ALL THE SMSES.
I DID MY PART or more.

so my only true friends are probably bowling and dumbass.

maybe i should slim down and look super pretty and be super popular so all these wont happen.
ya, like as though becoming that wont hav any probs.


JNZL

mother fucker

for the intended person who loves soccer.

i went online, abandoned my kpop mama show and came in to gmail chat.
suddenly u saw ur fav soccer live show like mine is not.

then u asked to call me back 30 mins later i just said leave it.
but no... u keep asking the same qn for like 10 times and i replied u the same ans 10 times.
then u said i kp.

seriously.

after you refuse to ans my call and even went offline. deeming me irritating but u are so HORRIBLE.

JNZL

its gonna be alright

i still feel happiest with my secondary school close friends.
i am hopping to meet them on new year . omg why is it soo dam hard.

go to pan pacific to slp over for a night. watch fireworks, play games talk nonsense.....

haha omg. our face changed. dont you agree?
JNZL

doesnt matter aint more

just wanted to called for some comfort but got a cold reply.
just wanted to ask for help cause i am scared and dunno what to do.
but i just got an angry reply.
called because you are the first one i'd turned to but no u hated it.
called because i hope u did cared but no you just want me to hang up.
since when i got this clingy i also didnt realise.
called because i was hoping you would say" its ok and help me "

all you wanted was to sleep.
it is wrong to want to sleep? nope.
is it wrong to feel pissed ? nope.
is it wrong to just let me decide when i said i couldnt decide and asked me to call other people? nope.

its all my fault.its all my fault. its all my fault. its all my fault.its all my fault.
dont worry. i know. you are too tired too busy.

u said i am a grown up already.
so i dont really know what are you there for. oh ya does it matter? nope cause its all my own wrongdoing.
do i deserve it? i dunno. i tried. yup not enough not showing. its my fault.

dont you feel happy seeing me helpless but will try my best not to turn to you anymore?
i know you are.

you made me felt like i was one irritating bitch that kept calling.
i am sorry for what i did. but dont worry. it is all my fault.

i should turn into someone who blames everything on myself.
its me its me its me.

i pictured a beautiful world. but its me that made it seem ugly.
what can i ask for ? nothing. i will get nothing in return.
yes the picture is beautiful but yet so sad isnt it? because it will only live in our minds of us . people who have yet grown up. growing up is right. stubborn? no. wanted more guidance but you couldnt offer me that.

do i find others then my beautiful friend?

JNZL

drift

i drift u drift we all drift apart someway somehow, fast or slow doesnt matter we'll still drift.

so exciting to see two friends liking someone.
i know i wont get to know who but seeing them having one-sided love reminds me of how love started.
i hope they get love back too.

jia you L AND D.
=)
JNZL

If only I got the power to feel what others are feeling then I would go like this.

"I touched his hand and felt his pain. Ah, he too went through this pain which I went through but I can never see it because I am preoccupied with another"

Yet another sad story of someone loving someone quietly and even though the pain of the other is no less than the pain he feels,he is being neglected. Is it all worth while I would ask, and he will say it not in the power of my mind to decide.my heart can't stop and I shall say you're a fool, then again who isn't .

JNZL

Evil thoughts frm no where

A simple thought manifested
In my brain

Just have to say it.

If i cry, you will cry too. If i fall u will fall too. If i die you will die too and if i go down, you will go down with me too.

I am not evil or mean or anything. I just suddenly thought of it.

Not any revenge too. Just a thought of why ppl are always grttig away with their own deeds and why am I always the one trying so hard to please everybody. This sucks big time and guess what, whoever said friends are reliable, they forgot about the word change.

Fuck this shit. I hate people who changes .

JNZL

temptations once again

The devil is here to bring me to the forbidden side again.
thanks to the angels which bless me with homework and more tests allows me to stop side-tracking and start focusing on my initial plan.

to get good grades..
Bu then again, the devil would never back down without a fight.

John W. DeForest:

It is not the great temptations that ruin us; it is the little ones.

JNZL

to die for list

hermes lindy bag!

i know it is super out of reach if you guys know what the real price is.

if even i saved for a decade i would not have enough spare cash to buy this $12,000 bag.

yes i am not joking.

this retails at this price

so i am going to buy a lookalike bag. the design is awesome and a REALLY to die for bag.

just the the house fly who kept sucking the sharkfin soup left over even when my heavy cup is right on top of it.

i think it thinks that the sharkfin soup is something to die for.

literally~

and the look alike bag may cost a fraction of what this real holy bag cost,

maybe $500+ oh well, at least i get to have the geeze of it.

EH I THINK HERMES BAG can become marriage gift lor!

maybe thts what newyokers do. hohoho

NEXT TO DIE-FOR-BAG

SPOTTED.

this CELINE luggage bag is awesome!

well just that it cost abt $2350!!!

i love this bag which is still oh-so -far from me but still within reach. unlinke the first one u know. 

this bags looks so right to me. who could refuse such a bag if someone were to give it to u as a gift!

the miu miu collection!

L.A.M.B. Darjeeling Bangalor Purse

which now retails at $400+

haha! now imagine a bag this so luxurious but yet so oh-understated.

 this classic  Miu Miu Mateleasse Handbag  is still the office lady bombshell bag.

in time you will understand why it will look oh so good on you!

1500! 

BY THE WAY! the new trends i see is now having leather pleats bags.

i have one too! cheapo but still good charles and keith bag.

will upload photo if got to the time too, but keep a sharp eye on other fashion bags!

cause the pleats are in! (and are here to stay?)

these two "paper bags"

loewe above and 

PROENZA SCHOULER PAPER-EFFECT LEATHER BAG

these two grows on you..

till then stop drooling and stop imagining yourself with these back. or else they will haunt you! hahaa

JNZL

forever

every time when i watch a drama and manage to cry is because my mind will automatically picture you in this situation and every time my mind does that i will cry.

a simple reason which took me soo long to realize.
i really cannot live without you.

you know couples always had trouble thinking what they would etch on their rings.
some would be so chim i wouldn't bother to understand.

but you know what i have always wanted to be on my ring would be
words like : forever together, eternal.. ( things like that)

because ultimately its the simplest words in life that we tend to forget.
we always forget to live for ourselves and we always forget how truly important someone is to you until you lost them.

i know i may be dramatic but you know if my life were to be someone who keeps everything to herself. i might really go mental which means that is why i am always so vocal.

finding a person who is able to sacrifice everything for you only happens in drama or drastic situations .
however for normal human life, finding someone who is able to take in everything you got and still willing to stay put with you, you better not lose sight of him cause a second one might never come along again.

i am so happy i have found mine.
although i am still resistant to whatever i need to sacrifice, living without him is still unspeakable.
past exp which might make me mental if i have to go through it again.
young, teenage. so my adult life will not let any of it happen right.

the thing i fear most.
people leaving me.

its not a fear that i can overcome, even with help.
so the word forever means so so so so so much more to me than you can ever realise.

so i would sacrifice things that mean so much to me just to be with you.
because no matter what leaving you is still ultimately the worst feeling i would never want to have.

this is not an emo post.
i just really want to type out my thoughts and my true feelings .

( you know, now i imagine myself alone on rock19 or on a bench looking at life doing its magic, i can feel myself saying " ah... you know no matter how life hard may be now, looking at the sea, the people , you will realise that someone is always looking out for you and is always concern about you. no matter how lonely you feel, no matter how life brings you down, there is always someone who will be willingly to love you unconditionally and with that, continue to live a life that is worthwhile looking back "



yours truly
jnzl.

i m losing you. can u see it

I AM LOSING YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?

i am so afraid this would happen. it was like predicted?
from the very day when you waivered about your thoughts about sticking through it together.
i was so sad about your mindset that i showed it out in anger instead.

i was soo angry tht day. in my heart i was like.
WHAT THE SHIT?! i thought WE agreed on this together? i thought we were supposed to be together like super glue?

so what happen in the middle?
first it was losing the days that we were able to meet up.
next it was losing the hours we were able to see each other in due to our commitments,
next was not introducing your friends to me and went to events w/o me .
then it was not sharing details about your life with me cause instead of laughing WITH ME , you shared your laughter with others.

then when it comes to me asking you out. YOU WERE NEVER EVER FREE. but u always took the time out to go to other ppl events and i dont see why i dont get such things.

i went all the way for you , but u just took it for granted and left me here all alone now.

THE WHOLE CONCEPT IS SUPPOSE TO BE TOGETHER...
WHICH PART OF together do you not understand.

was it to? or was it gather.

argh i am feeling angry, sad , lonely and many more feelings which is too complex for my limited vocab. i bet rongquan could do a better job.

i know you dont visit my blog.

but do you know how hard is it to confront you with this problem?

you dun reply my msges, you dun ans my call .

wth is wrong man...
so now you got A and many more.

so yeah i get the hint.
you dun want to stick ard with me anymore.

just another person who is gonna break my heart once more.
i shld have a loyal guy friend.

ahh! i am so jealous of those girls tht can spend time with you but not me!!!
do u know how sad i am right now.


JNZL

fml

suck suck suck! my lappy dropped twice today an now it has a dent on the left and the keypad bottom left! 

my 15' mac! no..

anyway, i hav been thinking of being someone who is capable of drawing and designing houses, wedding dresses.

and you know what? it sucks that my future job is now where near my ideal job.

so much for live the dream you dream.

where got money and youth to do it?

and now i am stuck with money money money related studies.

hais.

being an architect sounds so nice .

but! but! why didnt i know that designers = architect? DUMB DUMB DUMB!

my test and assignments are now taking a backseat and the main highlight for the upcoming holiday is to summarise everything and omg. i hate myself for unable to have focus.

acct 100 test was easy. all thanks to my mugging and i think i am able to score 100! woo hoo!

I FEEL LIKE SHOPPING IN FOREVER 21.

i want to buy many many clothes which look pretty on me.

i want to slim down. -.-

JNZL

growing up

GROWING UP IS NEVER EASY

In The end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.


I just realised i have grown up.


you know how i knew i grown up?
it was when i read the latest chic magazine and that it all made sense!


when i was young, i would never ever want to step into top shop as it was oh so exp! and my thinking was that it would waste money.


however, nowadays, i would always prefer to buy expensive but i would look fab in it.
like how i am aiming to buy a FOSSIL ceramic watch which currently cost $395.


and i would like to buy branded bags like long champ! and i even thought of buying 2 pieces of exp clothes a month or maybe a pair of heels?


i am so wanting to ditch the look the so suay bian outfit an wear stylishly .
so i knew i had grown up a little. not crazy wanting $1000 shoes or bags you know.


so i have started to appreciate branded and stylish goods . like warehouse, blabla..
now i know that it really takes a person to grow up to appreciate certain things.


watch out shops and boutiques! i will be saving up and buying them down!
oh my. my wish list is so long it reaches joo koon.


anw, i will try to use this as an incentive to wake up on time for sch and stop CABBING!
and also i will drink less KOI! because need to buy fashion clothing.


oh yeah! i cant wait till dec when sales kicks in!
MUACKS~






JNZL

love

i feel like i am a hypocrite to myself.
i feel sucky because i am like tht.

i feel that i cant be independent . WHY LIKE THAT!
when all u got to lose is everything, why r u still on that path?





such strong vocals.
if only everyone was like them.
i hate the center girl! she really CANNOT MATCH those standards of the two seniors. argh! why was she even put inside this grp of -oh so powerful until gets goosebumbs grp.

JNZL

study so hard i can be guilt free

i promise i will study so hard that i will be the next syjia.

i will not procrastinate like what lena said i always tend to do.

i will do all my best to research, summarize and do my assignments and tutorials properly .

i will not be intimidated by people who finish faster than me because i know it is not the speed that counts, i will always have faith in my end products and will not feel stress or irritated if people did it better than me in a shorter period of time and i will not be upset if people doesn't want to share info with me and i will socialize more than usual and i will not feel irritated if i see too many people acting too fake.

i will do my very best and do things to the best of my potential. 

i will wake up early in the morning and sleep well at night.

i will not be upset over things tht doesnt affect my studies and i will not let people demoralize me.

when lena said she didnt went out at all during her uni days i feel so sinned, but its nv too late to change.

when she said everyone does assignments on own time own target i realise all ppl are for themselves and it is ok to be like one.

i will overcome procrastination.

please help me ming en and sufi!!

JNZL

the changes of my hair colour

ok i went to a salon which lena recommended or rather she smsed me 3 times to tell me to go there to get a colour treatment which guarantees that it will make my hair DARKER.

HOWEVER AS U CAN SEE MY HAIR IS JET-BLACK!

well, with a strong sunlight u can see the ash colour which the aunty mixed.

so i thought my hair colour was going to be dark brown or darker tone.

oh well, i guess i can live with this colour.

and, i look younger in this hair colour? well i took lots of photos! so  u be the judge.

fian and en said it looked gd.

well fian just loves black so bias statement.

anw, dun mind me acting cute k, gotta pose for pictures! anw, i doubt ppl will read my post anymore since i was so inactive.

doesnt matter. but it cost $80! and lena helping me pay $40. but i lost my wallet in the airport. those tht saw my wallet, it the hello kitty one! HENG SHIT I DIDNT BRING MY KATE SPADE.

i still couldnt find it. SHITTY SHIT SHIT.

this effect is soooo cool!

JNZL

never enough.

everything i do is never enough.

no matter how much i study, it never seems enough.

no matter how much i slp , it nv seems enough.

no matter how much i earn it never seems enough.

no matter how hard i tried to end certain things, it just seems i didnt try hard enough .

no matter how much i see someone, it will nv be enough. it just feels like i gotta see him everyday which to me still isnt enough.

there is only so much i can do w/o sacrificing my laughter.

no matter how much i try to clear my homework and assignments it stills feels like mt fuji.

no matter how much i would try to do something, something will be in my way.

so i really hope that u appreciate that i really tried that hard and not think how much more harder i could have tried.

blablabla.

JNZL

kim yuna my new idol

Add caption

 INTRODUCING MY NEW IDOL

KIM YU-NA

she is just soo hardworking and so talented .
yet she has a mind to earn more money and yet still humble.

pretty and can sing well too.

i was inspired from her to work really hard for my university which apparently is really not an easy task to do.

with so much things tht i had nt yet experienced but yet still need to score well.
and i think i can really talk, which is my strength which i have to work with.

there are so many essays so many reference and so many readings to do and yet i still must study ahead of time.
yes i am stress and i am glad i hav nt yet slept in any lect .
but missed a tutorial because i was too fed-up with my mother to go to sch.

working really hard and giving my best i can in class.
i really hope my efforts dont go to waste .

-----------------

another obession is with weddings dresses and rings. oh god i love them to the max.

--------

tuitioning is really tough when all i want is use tht time to recharge myself and do more readings and hmwk tht i cld possibly do.

but i need to earn money. need to be independent.which is really hard but i will really try.

i was so busy tht i totally forgot to make anything for berwin birthday.
haiz...

i will try and i hope its good enough.

thanks for all the guidance.
and i really hope sufi can study with me or dionne start to do her hmwk.

THINGS to note

Most people hide their suffering better than you think, you pass dozens of people a day on the street without any idea how well they’re wearing their tragedies.

1. Most people love quite helplessly, despite what they would have you believe.
2. For a lot of people, music is a reflection of who they are and their relationship to life. Remember that before insulting someone’s favorite band.
3. If you tell a man about your problems, he assumes you want some sort of help or advice. If you tell a woman about your problems, she assumes you simply want a shoulder to cry on. Women rarely want to be told what to do about a problem, and men rarely want to be coddled through a hard time.
4. For most people religion is a social commitment more than a spiritual one.
5. Life often works in reverse. People treat strangers more politely than their family or friends. People will ask a friend’s band to play their party for free, will call their best girlfriend to come over and cut their hair without a thought to payment, but would never dream of calling a mechanic they found in the phonebook and asking them to donate their time and labor to fix a broken down car.
6. When you insult or offend someone, always admit it and apologize promptly, even if it wasn’t your intention or you had no idea. It is always better to be a penitent villain than to appear so socially inept as to not recognize when you’ve hurt the people around you. An evil genius is someone to bring to your side, a blundering fool is someone to keep as far away from you as possible.

By Sovereign Syre.

JNZL

russian roulette

i dunno why nowadays i love to post youtube vids.
doesnt matter if ppl dun click on it.

i totally forgotten abt someone's blog which i always looked forward everytime when i was in JC.
to make it discreet, her name starts with S.

today , at 4.43am i dunnow what happen which made me suddenly remember her blog.
and i was reading her post one by one.

felt tht it had meaning in everything she said.
may be big words may be logic, may be other things.
it doesnt matter.

all of it happens to make me a better person.
read a mag called "HOT"
LOVE ANGELA JOLIE for being such a wonderful person. for being who she was. being truthful to ppl that surrounds you.

it hurts too deep to recall again.for the zillion times in my life. for this .  i have to say.

FUCK MY LIFE.

 be who you are and live your life like it should be, there are no other way round.
i always believe in that.

never waste life and try to say you love your life instead of fml.
i know its hard, but even the africans ppl are grateful to life when they have so little.

i always think that it would be the realest moment i could ever exp if i was just by their side doing salvation.

you know u cant change the world.
just do your part and it will do yourself good.

i always felt my life was like a game of russian roulette.
first bang 'didnt die' and you will nv know if the next stone which you fall may jolly well kill u.

i had

1st bang(f)
2nd bang (w)
3rd bang (J)

and i am not dead yet.
take a breath, close your eyes.
he said it may help.

like a blind man walking in the daylight with all the unknown and remember, dont fall again.
it may kill u the next time.

JNZL

tiffy

i always love to introduce singers who are fab but yet u all sill dunno of.
she's tiffany frm north america.

she's my absolute love for slow and calm music..
jazzy.

i love her beyonce covers.
beat tht.



JNZL

tsk

to someone so dear and special to me when i was in sec sch, for everything you have done for all the things i have done to u i m sorry.

it feels just like yest when u came my hse to wake me up to go airport to study. it feels just like yest when i scolded you for not studying. ( ha!)

it feels like yest when i kept reading ur hp and doing things to it.

thanks for all the extreme sacrifice u did for me even if i did (oh! so many bad things to you)

I AM SO SORRY THT I KEPT FORGETTING YOUR BIRTHDAY(vic's birthday too)

i feel guilty to the max.
like maximum.

so this birthday, i am going to get you a present and maybe doing something special if i have the time.
and its just days away and yes, i am panicking.

i know u dun read my blog cause u keep forgetting the add or smthing.
=)

keeps my fingers cross.


JNZL

memories tht i hate to remember.

i was thinking, how my parents felt abt everything right now. is it still ok? is it still alright? i love my dad, but i dunno how to tell him i feel abt everything. he is a old man alrdy ,so i dun think there is anything tht can make up for everthing tht i went thru.back to the lonely days with only post sticks and the mini white boards tht tells me instructions.

back to those days when i sat at a corner eating milo.sitting in the fridge drinking hl milk frm the bottle.

so i was thinking. if everything was still the same, wld it be better?
either way, my life still wld be ...

so back to those pri lonely, empty nights. when there was no difference btw day and night. the ambience is still the same.

i am the strongest when no one is ard me for me to fall on.
when i am the youngest, i was the maturest, the most logical and sensible human being.
i cant believe how strong i was at a tender age.

i cant believe how i hated ppl seein me cry when i was young.thinking back, i just didnt want my crys to hurt or burden my parents.

oh my grandma too.
i remembered how i cling onto my mum's leg when i was too lonely.
i remembered spamming phone calls to girlfriends when i was too lonely.
i remembered how sad i felt when my guy friend told me how ppl think i sucks and i kept tearing but i still asked him to continue. wtf was i thinking.

i still remembered how my chi teacher asked if i was ok cause i hang out in the mall alone walking in circles.

what consoles me now because ppl with past are able to create great things.
no idea how but better than nth.

sometimes i get so fed up i wish god wld just give me a wishing wand or maybe be a vamp? -.-
k fine.





i so wanna play these two songs on my guitar.
--------------------------------------------



JNZL

lookin at my own life.

Finally i hav no more 9-6pm work at cimb.
thanks for hc for treating me tcc~
and cy for brining us ard to ashtons and ice monster.

haha no elaborated celebrations which is good.
sad thing is tht right after my work i had tuition. so i was feeling sticky, sweaty, tired and itchy.

i was so fed up with it all and just really truly wanted a gd break from all these.

let me hav time to do my simple pleasures in life
like putting mask on my face ( which i have no done any since i started tuitioning ppl.
and i had NO TIME to play my beloved guitar.

i was so dam busy balancing my work and social life.

i was stress arranging timings too.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

AFTER-LIFE

well , today i had my small wish sort of fulfilled .i slept till 11am (after opening door for dionne and chatted a while , i dozed off till 1pm)

i slept at 3am yest and i woke up late on a weekday and feels so happy abt it.
[i think it was because of overwhelming stress my period came late]

haha, went to submit our acceptence offer to the uni and was a MESS~~

me and dionne decided to eat maggi before leaving and my maggi mee bowl dropped!!!
freakin heng didnt hit my guitar which was 20cm away. thank god for tht.

nth was touced by my kimchi soup (heng my guitar bk was spared]
so me and dionne cleaned up the whole place and we were sweating. if u guys didnt know i havent touch a mop for like a yr?! anyway, i did the cleaning which was mopping and thank god no ants came

`side track a little
WTF! GOT ANTS IN MY HAMMY BOWL.
haha!! dionne said because my hse really  nth to eat so bo bian must go to my hammi food bowl. WTH LA! HAHAHA

funny thing dionne said when we FINALLY left the hse and she forgot to bring the umbrella which i reminded her to!
and it drizzle!
'WHO SAID NEGATIVE PLUS NEGATIVE = positive?!"

this is due to me saying" i think i am suay and u are suay so we combo suay! " haha
or maybe her suay-ness overcame my gd luck and vice versa.

so she was like havin a breakdown frm stress and my epic life doesnt end with tht.
cause u see if we didnt eat our lunch at hm, me and dionne wld hav went out of the hse vvv early.


of course a typical J-O-E-Y friend would be of no surprise with this post of mine.
oh ya, on the day i left CIMB, i wald into the guys toilet w/o realizing until i heard hc keep shouting at me! and i was super pai sei

well, today happened again! i ALMOST went into the gys toilet. shit thme, the freaking sign soo bloody small!! cannot differentiate pls!
haha, and many more funny things happened today.

so it was a day filled with laughter because all these are memories which i will laugh at when i get old and they are sweet~
------------------------------------------------------

today i had my offical 2nd guitar lesson with ren. it felt empty w/o m.e to laugh tgt.
anyway, i was super stress until i felt like my diahhorea was coming.

1. i had not touched my guiatr until just which is before my maggie mee.

2. i felt i had disappoint him because i promised i would practice.

3. i cant memorize those harder cords well enough.

4. i was always feeling shy and nervous just before meeting him with no reasons why.

and so it began..
he emphasized that he felt tht my bestie had been practicing hard and tht her finger tips was flat so he could see.

well, the truth is she did practiced more. but i really had no time to practice, which made me feel so sad cause he thought i was just lazy.

well, the point is i get hm like 10-11pm everyday and first thought was just shower and slp or a little tv.
i was upset with myself tht i cant practice. but i felt so yuan wang tht i just didnt say anything any more and i was putting up 200% of concentration to make up for my lost practising time.

i didn't want to appear complain-y to him. i didn't want to be seem lazy.


i was so stress and focus tht i had difficulty breathing cause at times i made mistakes and wanted it to be perfect. and the pain frm pressing the guitar hard because i wanted the notes to be projected out nicely and not wasting time trying to press it harder.

so everytime i press the steel /metal strings i really used all my strength and even if it felt pain, i continued and at times when it was unbearable i quietly use my other fingers to massage it and i was back to playing.

well things turned out well, and he praised me! which student doesnt wants to be praised.haha

dionne was sitting nxt to me all the time and i told her all my worries and stress and i really frowned and focus all i could for the 2 hrs i was there.

psst" he asked me to learn how to tune and i broke a guiatr string'
INFRONT OF EVERYBODY.

oh god.
tht's when the stress piles up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

lastly, life is just like the swings, it goes up down up down up and down.
no one can control you if your morals thinks the opposite.

but if deep down you had the same thoughts as the manipulator , then you will be manipulated .

In life we assume we know everything,
like we assume we know their thoughts when we see someone havin an affair,
like we assume we know what is really going on when you see someone gets beaten up.

WE ARE ALWAYS JUDING PEOPLE, no matter how neutral one can be.
everyone judges everyone. so who are we to say that we dont like to be judged when we judge other ppl by their actions.

So in life i stopped walking at a fast speed and we pause for a  moment to judge our own life.
The thing is even when looking at our own life and realizing what we shouldnt do, we still continue to do it willingly.

what a big irony in life.
we are not even capable of understanding ourselves.

HA!what a joke.

JNZL

plastic-not?

Just last night, me and m.e was discussing a little abt plastic surgery on our fav kpop stars.
no dount i am really ok if they did it but bestie said they had childhood photos which kinda prove their innocence.

well, i only saw taeyeon (snsd) denying plastic but..... even my fav tiffany looks erm. oh well , let u guys be the judge.

but of course i am on the side tht says my fav tiff did a nose job cause bone and fats are different issues. and lips and fats are different issues too.
well, its a fan war haha.

open up our minds. and let's see.

haha but no matter what. i still love them..

OH BTW, these are frm allkpop webbie.

if u guys bo liao wanna see, here's the link
http://www.allkpop.com/2010/06/did-snsds-taeyeon-tiffany-recently-undergo-cosmetic-surgery

but, i find it so coincidence tht i happen to see it at the sides bar.

AND OH. ONE KOREAN FAMOUS ACTOR JUST SUICIDED.

dunno what to feel cause i dun really knw him , but my leader hc felt v sad and shocked.

http://www.allkpop.com/2010/06/celebrities-mourn-park-yong-has-death

he is PARK YOUNG HA.
REST IN PEACE.

ok its vv weird to start my post with all these lame topics but as u know girls ma.. like to see these kinda stuffs.

anw, its my last day at work! and plus i got so many tuition, i may be discussing with dionne to see if i shld drop any.

JNZL

someone's watching over me

i am so touched.

v v v...

JNZL

change

i can change my way of life.
i have been working working and finding more work.

i tried my best today for like 6 hrs of mass-sending emails and sms. dear god pls let me get more of them!!

tuition i meant. i am teaching sec 4 Amaths and pure chem and another one which is sec 3 PURE PHY AND PURE CHEM..

my heart is so full of passion when it comes to teaching.
i love my students. well money too. but you shld see how much i pull myself when i got these students.
the sec 4 dun have any foundation and o lvl is like in 4mths and she is still lazy. OMG.

i try my v best to push ppl. thinking of which maybe becomin a teacher is not as bad as what others told me.
yes there is responsibility.

hope i get more students so i can earn money!
and for the time being. i am gonna start to re-learn physics.
and chem hahahA

MY GUITAR TIME? well, i will slot in between. as long as i everyday practice.

OH OH !! MING EN FINALLY WANTS TO GET A GUITAR.
yeah!!

its a cycle.
because of alicia i got inspired to learn guitar and bought the guitar on my own even though hopes of ppl learning with me are not tht high and m.e at tht time wanted to focs on dance. then after i told her abt my passion for guitar, she also started thinking of getting one and not just "thinking" and after maybe she finally wanted to get a guitar it may be because i got one too!
nv know..

ah well. yest my dad talked abt my piano. like sell my piano and buy a keyboard.
good idea?i dunno. oh wait must check out the prices for my piano classes.
JNZL

stranger

In my life there are always moments where i always regretted not doin something.

well, there are moments when my determination wavered.
there are always so many distractions so many obstacles that may prevent me from being true.

i hope it is all just because i am young and full of energy and life and so many things tht may endanger what i alrdy have but i'll be still stubborn and try it!

no idea wth am i talkin abt?
of course.


JNZL

THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH

EVERYBODY.. lets say yeah yeah yeah yeah..

i am offically going to take up POP piano.

wonder what that is?

it means playing hip hop, jazz, rock, RNB , modern music, radio , chinese pop songs , eng pop songs and the list goes on and on.

AS LONG AS NOT CLASSICAL music.

well i have a un-tuned piano which has too much STOOPID photos on it which i am goin to clear it once i start my lessons proper.

I shld be learning at a school called PBE (play by ear)

u can go google it if interested.

haha pl dun ask me why now then i thought of it cause i DUNNO!!!

i didnt have the genius brain to think of not wasting my holiday becoming a sloth .. i dunno! i thought my dream is to sloth until i become MUA-CHEE.

idea of playing pop piano was inspired by my lovely captain which suddenly said he wanted to learn to play the piano. HAHAHA

Next up would be the acoustic guitar. i will be buying my guitar real soon.budget of $150.

and i will be taking up private lesson.

alicia found a great bargain! And i feel so lucky!

i want to learn all the skills before i start work to perform for ppl.

btw, pop piano and guitar will be accompany by me singing. -.- ok fine.

i shld attend vocal lessons but i am not some rich kiddo.

but i will attend some day la, just feel tht vocals can wait a little while.

inspired by my best buddy ming en on kpop dance!

we are goin to learn dancing! yeah! but details not settled yet. oh well..

IS THERE NY OTHER THINGS THAT YOU THINK I NEED TO START NOW? before i become"oh-my-god-why-didnt-i-thought-of-it " state.

like mini business?

OHOH!! i hav alrdy started my savings insurance.$100 per month. cool right..

JNZL